Goodbye Cedar Avenue...

I really think I'm OK with it...

I tried to scheme a zillion ways to keep it.
more stability for my boys
(or maybe for me)

but in the end it seemed obvious that my limited resources
would accomplish more by sharing my time directly with Isaac and Will
instead of exchanging it for a bigger house.

So I'm going to spend less,
so I can make less, so I can work less.

stability seems like a scarce resource
possibly an illusion

the most important pieces of my life
are orbiting just outside of my control.

and surprisingly, I'm starting to feel OK with that too.

**

If you've been to Cedar Avenue, you know why I love it.
And I think I'll miss my neighbors more than the view.
But I know that the view won't be missed by my neighbors.

They will be moving in by the end of the month.
And I plan to crash their back porch regularly.

***
So the three rudd boys are on the hunt for a new residence.

***

but first we have to sell our other house which is soon to be vacated by our former renters.
3-5 bedroom, 3 bathroom, great N. Muskegon location:
130,ish (price to be determined upon assessment of post rental condition)


more details to come (there will be a reward)

life update

I'm very thankful for the phone messages, e-mails, and comments.

I am also grateful for the willingness of my friends to hear very bad news--with very little explanation--and still offer much support while withholding judgment.

A common (and valid) concern seems to center on whether we received help from a professional.

The short answer is "yes".

A more detailed answer would bring some clarity to a complex situation.

But that is probably the only purpose it would serve.

And right now I am more interested in making choices that avoid blame, bitterness, and finger pointing, than I am in offering clarity (especially via some public forum).

Whatever frustrations I may have with Andrea, she holds a very important place in the hearts of my two boys. And I will relentlessly work toward avoiding anything that will make this more difficult for them.

I do think I'm at a better place now to discuss this portion of my life. So if you are the kind of friend who can and should (someone who has a vested interest in my life, and an established pattern of meaningful conversations), feel free to ask me any question.

However, when asking, I hope you will still be patient with me. Right now I am:
1) wanting to be very careful about how I talk about this. I want to focus on what is best for the future, instead of what I am most angry about in the past (and that's difficult, so sometimes I just decide not to say anything at all)
2) There is much to be done. I'm running short on time these days. I hope you can understand.

rudd [dot] daniel [AT] gmail.com

that's a wrap (Two Short Films -- in the can)

When the most difficult year of my life hit its low point, my brother graciously offered to cancel the whole thing (At this point numerous people had made significant efforts on the project, my brother and I had worked on it for more than a year, and about 15 volunteers cast, crew, and support staff -- from five states -- had signed on to the project).

I'm so glad I didn't take him up on that offer.

It was an exhausting week.

15 people living in my house.

Intense shooting schedules. Long days.

Frantic phone calls and rushed commutes to manage childcare logistics and make sure I could spend an hour or two with the boys each day.

Very little sleep.

And somehow I feel very refreshed.

There is something very rewarding about working collaboratively with wonderful people to tell important stories.

The end of the week was a strange mix of sadness and happiness.
I was very happy to put Isaac and Will's room back together and have them back under my roof.

But I'll admit, once I had them asleep in their little tents, the house seemed very empty, and I missed the chaos. It was a very good week.

www.onestorypictures.com
www.onestorypictures.blogspot.com

Not my Favorite Blog to Write...

I'm publishing a difficult blog post. It's probably not what you came here hoping to find.

In posting it here, I hope that I will find myself making verbal explanations to people less often. I've already found that it is far too easy to tell this story in ways that justify myself at Andrea's expense.

And I know that no good will come from that.

So what's written here is not confidential.
But I'm not ready to discuss this in more detail right now.

***[e-mail i sent out a few days ago]

Some of you may already know, have an awareness, or suspect some piece of this. Some of you may have no idea at all.

And I realize this is not the best way to tell you, but there doesn't seem to be any good way, and it needs to be said.

Andrea and I agreed on the paragraph below, as reflecting truth and honoring both of our perspectives as much as possible.

In some ways, I would like to talk to you about this (and want to); but mostly I'm not ready to yet, don't think it's best, and it would not be possible at this time for me to have that conversation with all of you.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you at all, or ever again.

This isn't a secret [in fact we'd rather not explain this personally to everyone we know].

The paragraphs below seem to share the neccesary information that will be most helpful toward a healthy future.

I'm truly sorry, for the hurt this will cause and for the roles I have played in bringing it about.

With Love, Daniel


***
From Andrea and Daniel:

We're sorry to tell you that our marriage is ending. We decided to tell you this jointly because there are (obviously) many things we do not agree on, and at this point we know that focusing on those things will probably not be helpful for us or the people we care about. So we want to focus on what we do agree on.

We're both saddened by this, and we both have regrets about those things which brought us to this point.
We understand that this is difficult for the people we care about to, and we regret that.
We both want to do everything we can to make the best of this (especially as it relates to Will and Isaac).
We both want to maintain meaningful relationships with the people in our lives (you).
We both have a desire to avoid blaming and bitterness, and we both recognize that this will be a challenge.

You can help us by, remaining a part of our lives even when it's awkward, praying for us, and extending us some extra grace as things are difficult.

Daniel & Andrea

it's not you it's me...

whatever relationship you share with me. I've probably not done it justice.
so I really do sincerely apologize.
It's a rough stretch.

I intend to emerge with everything needed to exceed your wildest expectations* but I really don't know when that will be, so I won't make projections.

Until then, I really am sorry, and I hope we have the chance for more interaction soon (unless you are that psychotic clown who keeps showing up in my dreams with an Amway presentation).

and oh yes.
As a consolation prize:
I've posted great video of the boys here.

2 little presents...

finished the peekaboo song.
(new band: Gigi And the Strings)

Phase one of "Big Project" complete.

Will tell you more about the name contest soon (it's going into a second round).

Also, put a short cellphone video of the boys on their site.
(more to come).

2 things:

1: It may seem that I was absent from my blog for a long time, and then, upon my return, I rudely asked for your servitude in my little project.

I realize now, that because of the longer post above it (with a similar title), it may have been easy to miss the preceding post (which offers a very polite and thoughtful transition to the demanding post). So if you felt slighted, I apologize.

2: Thanks for all your suggestions. Some of which are still in the running. However, I would like to turn this brainstorming session in a different direction. Forget about the slide shows. Instead think: "easy to associate" and "difficult to mix up". For example:

BlueAppleMusic.com (with a little blue apple logo).
There aren't a lot of synonyms or alternate spellings for "Blue" or "Apple" (both of which are common words). Plus it's an object with a unique (blue) characteristic.

"Music" is pretty good, but hopefully I would be able to get "BlueAppleRecords.com" too, in case someone was rooted in old-school understandings of distribution.

Also, be sure to post your suggestions in the comments so that creative synergy can flourish.

That 100 dollars is so close you can taste it!!!!!!

Call For Help (with reward)

It's a long story, but I have to start a music distribution company.

I'll give more details in the future. But right now I need a name for an online store that promotes and sells music for independent artists.

It needs to be a: ".com" name (not .tv or .org or .net)

It needs to be easy to remember (probably short is best).

People will be making customized slide shows on DVDs featuring their own pictures. Music that matches the theme of the pictures will be playing along. At the end of the show, there will be a picture of the Artist who's music was featured. It will invite the viewer to visit us online to learn more about the artist and get special offers on their music.

So if you saw a cool slide show, featuring your pictures (or the pictures of a friend or loved one) and you liked the music and wanted to know more....

What kind of website would you remember?

If you have a suggestion, and can confirm that its available, put it in the comments.

If I use your suggestion I will send you a check for $100 (not a joke)

Here's a place where you can check available domain names:

Attention: Please don't use Godaddy.com (long story), use this one insetad

www.networksolutions.com

Here's a place where you can get cool suggestions:
www.nameboy.com

**Please invite any of your creative friends to participate in the fun!

Quick Update: Call for Help

I apologize to everyone for general unavailability as of late.

Stock20 got an important contract with a pretty interesting company.

Securing that contract required lots of extra work (for the last 4 weeks),
and meeting deadlines will require lots more extra work (for two more weeks).
(see "Call for Help" post above if you wish to ease this burden)

Additional Complicating Factors:

This video had to be completed about a week ago, and required more work than I anticipated. But it was for my favorite (and only) video production client.

Still have to make music and stuff for Stock20's monthly releases. (Although I'm hiring other people to help with some of the songs now)

If you are interested, here are some of the recent songs that I have composed and produced.

Will and Isaac are both cutting their biggest teeth.
Isaac has had two double ear infections in the past month.
The last antibiotic led to relentless diarrhea and the worst diaper rash ever.

But... things seem to be getting better on that front.

Hoping to be human again soon...

best jack handy quote ever

“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.”

-saint jack of handy (via james bean e-mail)

I say put this kid in jail right now!

Could it be more clear that he is going to grow into a super-villain?




The mom is oblivious to the evil (maternal blindness), but the baby's sibling is obviously terrified.

so it's march now...

you may have noticed that februrary has ended.
And with it, my obligation to post 6 days per week.

As a consolation prize, I have updated the boys blog with some really cute footage of our trip to the circus.

advice #3: unreasonable reactions don't modify unreasonable behavior

the news commentator says it best...





For lent, I am giving up the practice of throwing stones at the heads of angry elephants (maybe it's a metaphor, maybe it isn't)

advice #2: finish first, celebrate later

Notice how the "new winner" fails to learn anything from the event which gives him a (less-than-ideal) reason to celebrate.

I'm glad I've never done anything stupid.

Also,

1) I don't know about you, but a big part of my spiritual upbringing has included a very scary event at the end of human history--

--various renderings of a massive room, where all of redeemed humanity would gather to watch every event of everyone's life (for judgment) on a massive movie screen.

Naturally, my frequent reflections on this event included only graphic portrayals those moments which I regretted most deeply, and those events which where horrifically embarrassing.

My only hope was that someone -- much worse would go before me and after me. And maybe my parents would have just slipped out to go to the bathroom.

2) Later on, I was exposed to a stream of theology that orchestrated apocalyptic events on a different time line.

Supposedly, God's justice would prevail on earth more incrementally, with humanity as his instruments.

3) So here we are now; on the brink of the rapture, world war 3, global warming, and many other civilazation-compromising possibilities...

And I can't help but notice that there are camera's everywhere, documenting every little mistake and posting them on a massive movie screen,

and every day all of humanity gathers to judge each little mistake...

what's next?

ps. send me $200 and I'll send you my "Armageddon survival guide road map".

Advice #1

1) Pick on someone your own size
*the soundtrack of this video is not intended for children

Strike First! Strike Hard! NO MERCY!

darn those cobras!

this little blast from the past is dedicated to my nephew Addison.

He's my brightest pupil in the Marshall Arts.

If he continues his dedication to the training I have given him, he may someday surpass the yellow belt earned by his Sensei through a week of free "karate-ministry" classes at my church.




Pay careful attention to the brilliant acting, amazing athleticism, and frequent outbursts of "your dead!". This is eighty's cinema at it's best.

PS. One day in junior high, my friend Jerry came up to me and said: "Look at this new move I made up." Jerry, you are so busted for ripping of the cobras and not giving them credit. I'd like you to come clean in the comments and see if you can remember what move it was. Remember, confession is good for the soul. You will never achieve your goals in karate if you carry around this guilt.

For the rest of you. Just remember: "You *ARE* the Best Around!"

Happy Birthday Vince!

vince and noel treated us to a john mayer concert last night. it was vince's birthday and we got the present.

the whole night was really fun, and the concert was amazing.

...but i was only thinking of you: my faithful blog reader.

I meticulously captured several seconds of this event so you could enjoy it in the pristine low resolution offered by my phone (and breathtaking audio).




ps. i guess stupid meredith woke up, oh well maybe she'll get a staff infection or something

head bonk

head bonk: a common rudd-boy demonstration of loyalty and affection

hit and run!

i finally figured out how to get video files off my phone and onto the net:

Isaac Blindsides Anna with a peck on the cheek,
then sprints to safety in the wake of her confusion.

quartet

if you are having a hard time finding something to laugh about today, spend some time with these guys. It is clearly contagious.