I'm publishing a difficult blog post. It's probably not what you came here hoping to find.
In posting it here, I hope that I will find myself making verbal explanations to people less often. I've already found that it is far too easy to tell this story in ways that justify myself at Andrea's expense.
And I know that no good will come from that.
So what's written here is not confidential.
But I'm not ready to discuss this in more detail right now.
***[e-mail i sent out a few days ago]
Some of you may already know, have an awareness, or suspect some piece of this. Some of you may have no idea at all.
And I realize this is not the best way to tell you, but there doesn't seem to be any good way, and it needs to be said.
Andrea and I agreed on the paragraph below, as reflecting truth and honoring both of our perspectives as much as possible.
In some ways, I would like to talk to you about this (and want to); but mostly I'm not ready to yet, don't think it's best, and it would not be possible at this time for me to have that conversation with all of you.
But that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you at all, or ever again.
This isn't a secret [in fact we'd rather not explain this personally to everyone we know].
The paragraphs below seem to share the neccesary information that will be most helpful toward a healthy future.
I'm truly sorry, for the hurt this will cause and for the roles I have played in bringing it about.
With Love, Daniel
***
From Andrea and Daniel:
We're sorry to tell you that our marriage is ending. We decided to tell you this jointly because there are (obviously) many things we do not agree on, and at this point we know that focusing on those things will probably not be helpful for us or the people we care about. So we want to focus on what we do agree on.
We're both saddened by this, and we both have regrets about those things which brought us to this point.
We understand that this is difficult for the people we care about to, and we regret that.
We both want to do everything we can to make the best of this (especially as it relates to Will and Isaac).
We both want to maintain meaningful relationships with the people in our lives (you).
We both have a desire to avoid blaming and bitterness, and we both recognize that this will be a challenge.
You can help us by, remaining a part of our lives even when it's awkward, praying for us, and extending us some extra grace as things are difficult.
Daniel & Andrea
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23 comments:
We're praying for you guys. We love you both and we're here if/when you need us.
Love,
Lindsey & TJ
What have you and Andrea done to 'help' yourselves through this time. Counseling, talking with a pastor, talking with someone else that has gone through divorce, or has been where you've been. MOST marriages have places and stages where this thought and even sometimes plans begin to take place towards an ending marriage. Should the 'contract' and 'vow' you made with God and to each other be more important? PLEASE be careful to see and look for the enemy in this situation. There is a 'fox' that has crept in and has come to rob, kill, and destroy. Stand up and 'FIGHT' him!!!!
I hope your decisions aren't a 'reaction' to something else going on in your lives, but that they are well thought out and prayed about. Sometimes 'divorce' is just the easy way out of a difficult thing, but in the end, it causes the most pain. I said 'sometimes'....sometimes it's not.
I will pray for both of you with each remembrance.
You might want to disable Anonymous comments.
thanks tj and and lindsey, hope to see you soon.
...your probably right anonymous
We love you both and are praying for you both. We will be here whenever your ready.
Dear anonymous, If you were referring to being adopted as being a tragedy you are dead wrong. Daniel and Andrea are a huge blessing to those boys either married or not! AND if you have a problem with Andrea you should talk to her about it and stop leaving anonymous comments!
I will wait in line behind a long list of people who are hoping to, in some realistic way, love you through this.
People who live in a glass house don't throw stones.
Thank God for His hand of mercy, even when He seems distant. May you rest in His love, and be enveloped in the Jesus Community He died to create.
sorry to delete some comments. it seemed best.
i'm very thankful to have really amazing friends (with names), and really great support from them.
You've been really gracious about receiving difficult news, knowing very little about it, and still loving us.
I know you have some legitimate questions, and I really appreciate your patience.
I don't like (and have never liked) having any limitations on what can and cannot be discussed among close friends.
And when I'm able to talk about things with better motives, and more positive outcomes, I will be relieved to close those gaps.
Daniel-
You, Andrea, your boys, and your families will be in my prayers. There aren't many words that I can offer any of you right now other than this- Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose-God is good and I trust that He will meet your every need at this time in your lives. All of you are loved by all of us and God.
your honesty is refreshing no matter how difficult and crappy the circumstances. i know we don't know either of you well, however your family is in our prayers.
much love, the dillers
I just wanted to let you know that even though I haven't seen you guys in quite a while, I have been and will continue to pray for you and your family!!
I love ya daniel, even though I haven't talked to you in a long time now. Dont really know what to say, I haven't been there, so nothing I have is worth putting down. All I'll say is that I'm so sorry, and I'll pray for you. Right now, in fact.
hey daniel
it has been a while i know. i just hope you know that you are in our prayers over here in marshall. my dad told me today and i was stunned but i will be praying for you and i miss you man. i know that sounds weird, but i do man. give me a call if you want to or drop me an e mail.
Peace,
Jon
Hey Daniel, just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers and that Andrea is too. It's hard to know what else to say. Don't forget that there are people who will always care about you both, and I consider myself to be one!
RYAN GERTEN
Daniel & Andrea,
You guys are in our thoughts and prayers.
Ryan & Amber Cox
Daniel and Andrea,
Wow--words cannot express how saddened I am to read these words. I am thinking of you and praying for you both..and your families as well.
Love,
Sara Vawter
rsvawter@netzero.net
Drew and I were so saddened to hear this news. We don't really know what to say, but we are of course praying for you both daily. We love you guys!
Love,
Drew and Rochelle
I never even met you personally, but you preached at my church once. My husband and I have been through MANY difficult circumstances over the past several years, even to the point of "threatening" divorce. I would encourage you both to seek counseling, individually and jointly, before calling it quits. My husband and I sought counselling during the most difficult part in our marriage and it helped tremendously. I have also sought out counseling during difficult times in my personal life and in my marriage and they have helped us to stay together.
Whatever you two decide to do, I have a feeling that you will do it with your boys' best interest in mind and that God will see you through it.
Hi Daniel and Andrea. I just wanted to let you know that we are, of course, grieving over the news of your decision to part. However, we love you both and will pray in earnest for you both and your little boys. We hope that you both know if there is a time when you feel you want to talk about it or just need a shoulder that we are both here for you. Again we love you all very much.
Dick and Pam Gerten
Daniel (& Andrea)
of course my heart is saddened by this news - but i *like* the way you (plural you) have handled this.
my prayers are with you and the boys
grace & peace
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