advice #3: unreasonable reactions don't modify unreasonable behavior

the news commentator says it best...





For lent, I am giving up the practice of throwing stones at the heads of angry elephants (maybe it's a metaphor, maybe it isn't)

advice #2: finish first, celebrate later

Notice how the "new winner" fails to learn anything from the event which gives him a (less-than-ideal) reason to celebrate.

I'm glad I've never done anything stupid.

Also,

1) I don't know about you, but a big part of my spiritual upbringing has included a very scary event at the end of human history--

--various renderings of a massive room, where all of redeemed humanity would gather to watch every event of everyone's life (for judgment) on a massive movie screen.

Naturally, my frequent reflections on this event included only graphic portrayals those moments which I regretted most deeply, and those events which where horrifically embarrassing.

My only hope was that someone -- much worse would go before me and after me. And maybe my parents would have just slipped out to go to the bathroom.

2) Later on, I was exposed to a stream of theology that orchestrated apocalyptic events on a different time line.

Supposedly, God's justice would prevail on earth more incrementally, with humanity as his instruments.

3) So here we are now; on the brink of the rapture, world war 3, global warming, and many other civilazation-compromising possibilities...

And I can't help but notice that there are camera's everywhere, documenting every little mistake and posting them on a massive movie screen,

and every day all of humanity gathers to judge each little mistake...

what's next?

ps. send me $200 and I'll send you my "Armageddon survival guide road map".

Advice #1

1) Pick on someone your own size
*the soundtrack of this video is not intended for children

Strike First! Strike Hard! NO MERCY!

darn those cobras!

this little blast from the past is dedicated to my nephew Addison.

He's my brightest pupil in the Marshall Arts.

If he continues his dedication to the training I have given him, he may someday surpass the yellow belt earned by his Sensei through a week of free "karate-ministry" classes at my church.




Pay careful attention to the brilliant acting, amazing athleticism, and frequent outbursts of "your dead!". This is eighty's cinema at it's best.

PS. One day in junior high, my friend Jerry came up to me and said: "Look at this new move I made up." Jerry, you are so busted for ripping of the cobras and not giving them credit. I'd like you to come clean in the comments and see if you can remember what move it was. Remember, confession is good for the soul. You will never achieve your goals in karate if you carry around this guilt.

For the rest of you. Just remember: "You *ARE* the Best Around!"

Happy Birthday Vince!

vince and noel treated us to a john mayer concert last night. it was vince's birthday and we got the present.

the whole night was really fun, and the concert was amazing.

...but i was only thinking of you: my faithful blog reader.

I meticulously captured several seconds of this event so you could enjoy it in the pristine low resolution offered by my phone (and breathtaking audio).




ps. i guess stupid meredith woke up, oh well maybe she'll get a staff infection or something

head bonk

head bonk: a common rudd-boy demonstration of loyalty and affection

hit and run!

i finally figured out how to get video files off my phone and onto the net:

Isaac Blindsides Anna with a peck on the cheek,
then sprints to safety in the wake of her confusion.

quartet

if you are having a hard time finding something to laugh about today, spend some time with these guys. It is clearly contagious.

Information You Cannot Do Without!

I suggest memorizing this in its entirety, so you can work it into conversations whenever possible.






You'll never have to worry about sinusoidal depleneration again!

Lent: Part 1

From this morning's meditation at Sacred Space:

We are at the start of Lent, the time of the year when the church invites us to test our freedom, and to question the notion: I can take it or leave it alone.

Try that with grumbling, drunkenness, talking about yourself, stealing, gambling, or other habits that diminish our freedom. What habits make you hard to live with?

Lent is about regaining control of our own lives, especially in those areas that damage other people. We don't admire those whose appetites or habits lead them by the nose.

Nearly all of us have habits, or even addictions, that keep us from God, and harm both ourselves and others. These seven weeks before Easter help us to focus our energy on improving.

Life will never be as cool as the 80s again...

I sure miss George Constanza and his gang.

But do you remember THIS George Constanza?

Ready to Dance

andrea and i are going to a wedding reception tommorow night.

i've been rehearsing my (already brilliant) dance moves all week.

Here's my main source of inspiration:

moral of the story?
When you REALLY REALLY love something, it's the only thing you really want.



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...


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So what do I want for Valentines day?

Just my valentine...

Andrea, you really are the best thing that's happened to me, and you get better all the time.

Double Feature

Today I bring you a Haiku, and a video:

pig lips meet my lips
pig stomach meets my stomach
hotdog, a meeting of meat

(author unkown, via Ze Frank)

and the unrelated video:

How to blow Smoke Rings

I couldn't get my youtube video to post, so instead, here is an educational public service announcement that will improve anyone's life who is willing to invest the effort into lots of practice.



An Excerpt from the tutorial:

Picture it...everyone's focusing on eating their food, and suddenly a smoke ring delicately and obviously glides across the room. The ability to blow thick, full, even smoke rings that will travel as far and as fast as you want them to is really not as hard as you think. It's definitely an attention grabber in a group of smokers. Here's how to master the art of smoke ring blowing.

get the full set of instructions here.

I'm Back

First of all I would like to thank the blogspammers who kept my blog alive with fascinating daily updates.

Secondly: I know I've done a poor job as a blogger. But here's how I intended to make it up to the millions of fans who check this site each day.

Starting next week. I will post something extraordinary every single day (six days a week) for the rest of February (mostly videos that will make you laugh or puke).

It's gonna be great. So get your Afghan and pull up a chair. 6 days until launch.