ok seriously

I'm doing OK. thanks for asking. Sorry If I haven't responded personally.
Hope to catch up on stuff like that soon.

I'm feeling less angry, less afraid, and more hopeful all the time.

*

The last decade of my life with Andrea formed many good memories, and much for which I'm thankful to her for.

But many of those years also contained a sense of something dark and immanent,
some painful choices and patterns.
and no options for collaboratively finding healthier ways of relating to each other.

and not having those options (and not understanding why)
does feel like rejection (whether it is or it isn't)

So while many people experience divorce as an overwhelming wave of rejection or loss.
I have felt those emotions more like the current of a river.
Sometimes a strong current, sometimes less noticeable.
But a current I've experienced (and contributed to) for a long time.

So now I do not feel a wave.
I am more aware of a steady "depressurization."

What was feared, resisted, and fought has materialized. And I find the experience of it far more tolerable than the fear or of it.

*

And it's nice to speak more freely with people I care about.

A good therapist is better than working through something alone.

But not having to keep things from those I love is much better.

I do feel loss, grief, and regret: for the hurting people I care about, and for the roles I have played in causing hurt.

But mostly I feel a lot of hope.

**

Did I mention that a week from today I will take my boys to the cabin for 8 days?
We're going to throw lots of rocks in mackinaw bay, canoe relentlessly, explore the function and grave responsibilities of wearing big boy underpants, and maybe I'll even notch some logs for the little cabin I started building almost 15 years ago (Cedar lasts a long long time).

**

And I do live with my parents
(and they have been great)

**

And I do not have a job
(but I'm not really a "have a job" kind of guy)

In spite of some current financial pressures (resulting in a screeching halt of all business development and advertising), my little company seems to still be paying it's primary bills and starting a slow recovery. My employee/friends have been great. And I think were going to make it.

Some of the responsibilities which claimed significant chunks of my time have drawn, or are drawing, to a conclusion. I'm hoping to start making music again in the next month. I may do more video work to fill some financial gaps.

**

More often than not, I get to spend every waking hour with my boys.
And when they are with Andrea, I still get to spend time with them every day.

And this is not the reality of most single parents.
so I'm really grateful.
hopeful
and well.

-daniel

i don't have a job and i live with my mom

(working on some new ways of introducing myself)


:)

Voices From Above

Tuesday morning it started raining when I had a bunch of boxes and moving stuff in the driveway.
So I raced around madly, pulling boxes into the garage as quickly as I could.
Just as I was about to go back inside I heard a voice from the upstairs window of my next door neighbor's house.

Lilly: "What about the Bike?"
Daniel: "Good point Lilly."
pause
Daniel: "But you know what, it's gotten wet before, I think it will be OK this time."
Lilly: "Have you heard of rust?"
Daniel: "I hadn't really thought of that... [moving bike] Lilly, how did you grow to be so smart so quickly?"
Lilly: "Hello!!??!, I'm *NINE* Years old!"

I'm really going to miss my neighbors.

And they are now well along the way of moving into my old house. And I am completely moved out. (thanks to some great friends and family who were very generous with their help).

I would very much like to buy my neighbor's house so I can sit in Lilly's upstairs window and advise her driveway activities. (Or just so I could keep some of the best neighbors I've had, one of my favorite neighborhoods, and the incredible view of Bear Lake's wetlands).

It would be about half of my previous house payment, but still more than I want to spend.

If you have been to my house and fallen in love with the sunset-over-waiving-cattails, you should talk to my neighbors before they list their (old) house with a realtor (very soon).

But mostly I wanted to say thanks to everyone who helped. I really couldn't have made it without you.

***
Important Addendum: Moulton House Not For Sale

Please desist all efforts to sell my house on Moulton Avenue anymore. My previous renters (who wish to purchase the house) seemed to have found new employment, payed all back rent, and have secured a new lease with me. I'm hoping (for their sake and mine) that this works out well for them.

If you were really closet to that $400 bounty, I apologize. If you send me an essay describing your sales efforts, I will send you $1, or the object of my choice from one of my three "moving storage sites" as a consolation prize.

schedule updates

i got some great help from some great friends and we made a bid dent yesterday.

I was kind of counting on today and tomorrow to really make progress, but I forgot that I had agreed to watch the boys from 8am-2p tomorrow.

So today I will be working on moving all day (sans-twins), and tomorrow I will be back to the work-site by 2pm working all evening (and maybe night).

Friday I will be closing on the house in the morning, but working on packing and moving in the Afternoon and Evening. My 2 associates will be with me. While they enjoy the commotion of moving, they do slow me down a bit.

I hope to finish up moving on Saturday, while simultaneously unloading tons of stuff on eager victims at the garage sale managed by Sue Wagenmaker (the garage sale will only be happening on Saturday). If you'd like to help with the sale, the boys, or general moving/driving/cleanup stuff for any portion of that day, it would be great.

Communication Note:
my verizon phone is out of minutes, so I will have to check my message and then call you back using my computer, (unless you are verizon, it's saturday, or it's after 9pm). Sometimes that takes a little while, depending where I'm at. Sorry.


Directions to my house

It's Go Time

Alright friends, family, and even enemies (you know who you are).

We close on the sale of our house on Friday the 24th. And I intend/hope to be completely out by the end of the day Saturday (or better).

For all of you who have said you would love to help out,
I think I'm ready.

I hope to finish boxing most of my office/studio up tonight (besides the bare essentials).

Then I'll be doing a lot of cleaning in preparation for the boys return tomorrow morning.

I'll be storing most of my remaining stuff (hopefully not too much) in Angela and Ryan's new basement.

I'll be moving into my parents apartment (behind their garage). The boys will get the bedroom I'll sleep in the living room, and I'm still working on a good solution for a place to set up my recording gear and office. (Know of anyone selling a dirt cheap old travel trailer (around 22 feet)?

So now that I know where I'm going, and where I can put stuff, here's how I could use help (if that is something you would like to do).

1. General labor (cleaning, packing, moving stuff around) - Needed anytime Sunday(today) through Saturday the 25th.

2. Playing with the boys while I do General Labor (Monday through Wednesday)

3. Helping with a garage sale on Friday and/or Saturday, or collaborating on said garage sale.
-playing with the boys, taking money from people so they can be saddled with worthless trinkets, bringing a table that I can borrow, etc...

4. transporting objects large and small to my parent's or my sisters. By using my de-seated mini van, or your own vehicle if it's suitable.

5. Know of anyone who wants to buy a very nice Dining Room Table (big, solid, built in leaves, no chairs) or some very nice leather furniture. Both are less than a year old. Table (paid 800, will take 500-firm), Love Seat (paid 1300 will take 900, and if you want a set Andrea might be open to selling her couch, chair and ottoman).

call, e-mail or comment if you would like to help in any of these ways.
rudd "Dot" daniel "At" gmail "Dot" com
231.557.2532

maybe you can help...

...help me find a buyer for our house on Moulton Avenue.

I really think it is a great house and a great price.

But I'm looking for a place where my boys and I can live with a smaller payment.

And we are supposed to be out of hour house on Cedar Avenue in less than 2 weeks.

That makes us "motivated sellers".

And I am offering a reward again.
Last time TJ and Lindsay scored the bounty. This is a bigger house, so it's a bigger reward.
$400 goes to the person who finds a buyer for my house.

Click here for details and pictures, or use this link: http://snipurl.com/1phaw

and it would be great if you could let other people know.

Maybe you don't know someone who needs this house,
but you probably know lots of people who could use 400 bucks.