Danielmatic:

halloween 2009

2009-11-16T09:28:00.006-05:00

here's some pics and videos...

ginger and willow declined the photo op, but I did manage to capture some video of the corbin coven...

Rudd Halloween from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

Rudd Halloween 2009 from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

Rudd-Boys-Halloween from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

our construction project update

2009-11-16T08:43:00.003-05:00

much of my time in the last few months has gone toward the design and implementation of this construction project.

I even drafted the plans myself... here's some pics and video. Sorry it's taken so long:

will's back - all is well

2009-09-21T19:55:00.002-04:00

just in case you haven't heard:
we brought Will home from his 3 night stay at hackley on Sunday afternoon.
Pneumonia and Asthma are to blame.
he's doing much much better.
His brother is receiving a similar treatment orally.
They both have a follow up appointment tomorrow.

thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

another media fast

2009-08-19T21:10:00.003-04:00

sorry i haven't blogged much.
several projects have been keeping me busy.
but my energy has periodically been poorly directed.

Being self-employed is great.
but not a great environment for those with difficulty focusing.

So a vow made publicly is sometimes helpful.

Therfore, effective immediately, I declare a fast from all solitary viewing of entertainment media (including but not limited to: hulu, tv, movies, youtube).

This fast shall begin at the time of this posting, and persevere through the duration of august and the entirety of september.

There I said it. Now I'm going to go cry a little.

post lent - lent

2009-04-15T12:25:00.003-04:00

be it resolved:

in light of important and incomplete goals, in the realm of business, organization, and creativity, I shall abstain from the viewing/surfing/consumption of all television, hulu, movies, dvd's, youtube (and the like), until the end of this month (commonly known as april).

the only exception to this resolution shall be date nights with my wife, and the screening or editing of the short film "Multi-Level Relationship", or "Stick in the Mud".

upon breach of this resolution the following shall occur in no specific order:

I shall make equal and intersecting cardiac incisions (with four right angles at the center)
I shall aspire within myself for the permanent cessation of all willfull and autonomic bodily functions
I shall propel the sharp end of tiny stainless steel stake into the tender regions of my ocular assembly.

live blogging from the corbin home

2009-03-13T20:31:00.003-04:00

So I'm at Ang and Ryan's house observing Katie playing with Maya.
They both have little people in their hands, but Maya is orchestrating the script:

Maya: "ask if you can have a friend over"

* (and... Action!)

Katie's character: "mom, can I have a friend over."
Maya's character: "no punkin."
Katie's character: "ok mom, I'm dissapointed, but I'll obey."
Maya's character: (sternly) "go to time out!"
Katie's character: "do I have to? I asked so nicely and said I'd obey."
Maya's character: "go straight to time out."

[editorial]
clearly, Angela runs a pretty tight ship...

Will's Epic Tale of Glory

2009-02-24T10:09:00.003-05:00

Will's been turning out impressive quantities of fiction lately. I copied this story directly from Katie's notes last week:

When I was four, Dad(that guy), built me a bike with two seats (the second seat is just for Katie). A bike with training wheels. It had two seats! And you can come.

(We have matching track suits, and matching helmets, girl and boy helmets.)

Dad & Will & Willow & Ginger & Isaac & Bampa can ride with us too.

In trailers, behind us, and we pedal really hard.

WE ride all the was to a Michigan state football game, ride into the stadium, down the steps(still a bike parade)

All the people have been waiting for Will

We put in mouth guards.

When they see us, the whole crowd cheers

Will goes out on the field and makes the winning play, just in time, and all the fans go crazy.

All of us share his glory.

Then Will quickly changes into his marching band uniform, grabs his tuba, and does a march around the field.

He then does a giant jump-spin with the tuba. And does not fall.

Again. Of course. The crowd goes wild.

the worst kind of drainage, the best kind of downsizing

2009-02-19T08:15:00.009-05:00

since my last post, the rudd six have been ravaged and persecuted by:
colds, sinus infections, bronchitis, ear infections, the gout
(ok, maybe one of these didn't really happen, but the rest did)

it seems now that these invaders have, for the most part, been vanquished by antibiotics and/or antibodies, with only the remnants of my sinus infection remaining.

Before our family was transformed into a breading ground for disease and plunged into sleepless nights and zombie-days, we were celebrating the climactic end to Tony Petty's eight years of employment under my merciless thumb.

That's right. I'm downsizing my company significantly. I'm canning Tony's Caboose. Not today, or tomorrow, but at the end of this month when he moves to Buffalo, NY and starts his new job where he will be making more money than I do.

**

After working together in some capacity or another for almost a decade, I will definitely miss having Tony as an employee, but several months ago, it seemed clear to all parties that our current arrangement wasn't sustainable for Stock20, or the best path for Tony's career.

So Tony started looking for a new gig.

As you all know, jobs are in short supply these days.

Tony was concerned about his lack of formal education or certifications.

But he caught the attention of growing company in Buffalo, NY (that seems to take very good care of their programmers).

He was pessimistic through numerous phone interviews, and even when they flew him (business class) to their headquarters for more interviews.

But once they offered him the job, and salary that was substantially larger than the number he had given them, there was less room for self-doubt.

With the exception of one freakishly fortunate year, I have never enjoyed a yearly income greater than Tony's starting compensation at this new company.

When he told me that he got the job, and what they were going to pay him, I was not necessarily surprised. I had told him all along that I thought the right company would pay top dollar for his services. So I wasn't all that surprised, but I was feeling very strong emotions.

Part of the emotional response was probably because I knew they would be well taken care of (a point of concern which had been growing inside of me at a rate to match Tara's uterine passenger).

But I think I may have been even more happy about the demonstration of confidence in Tony's ability. Lots of executives, experts in the field, who interview scores of programmers each year, gave Tony a great deal of scrutiny, then they worked very hard to make sure Tony understood: they *really* wanted him to work for them.

Somehow, over the last eight years, that's become something that I really wanted for Tony.

Back when he was a teenager, doing an internship for me at Orchard View Church, Tony's talent has been obvious to me. He's worked hard to develop a set of impressive skills. He's had his share of obstacles. Nothing's been handed to him.

Both He and Tara have really grown as individuals, they've earned my respect. They aren't teenagers any more.

They've cared for my children. They've run my business for me. They've become my close friends.

They are very good people and they are going to be great parents. I'm really proud of them both.

I think this move will be good for them in many ways, but I will really miss having them close by (and I know our kids will too). But right now, I'm just very happy for them both.

long weekend

2009-02-03T04:38:00.003-05:00

here's the weekend post. a bit delayed. (but I started it on the weekend)
worked through the night on friday to make film submission deadlines.
I think we sent in a pretty decent film.
We definitely learned a lot which will be helpful on the next project.
My brother is a very good writer. We're going to make a very good film (and soon).
*
a regular night's sleep is in short supply as of late.
some kind of stomach bug has munched its way through our entire family (except me).
Katie and I have been up with kids (or personal pain) many nights in the past week.
(This early morning blogging is brought to you by Isaac's 4am sanitary requirements).
*
I have reason to hope that I'm nearly finished having regular interactions with both the legal system and the corporate bullying which drove me to engage it. I've learned a lot and survived. I'm beyond ready to be done with that.
*
Ginger has entered the world of "homework". She gets a week's worth on Monday. She brings it home with the reverence and anticipation of a sacred scroll. She completes it (all of it) in about an hour with fury and precision. Then she giggles for about five minutes.
*
Willow is gaining independence (occasionally with a 1700s colonial flair). She's handling things on her own. She makes solutions. She includes and entertains the 3 year-olds. She makes food for herself, her siblings, and her grownups.
*
Will's theological frustration continues as he persists in his inquiry to ascertain the physical whereabouts of Jesus.

He is more often attired as a drum-major than not.
*
Isaac's voice has changed and he's growing a mustache. Our dialogue reflects the expansion of his consciousness.

**

Conversation With Will 4 days ago (special story time):

Will: Does Jesus have a belly? For me to.. Can I rub Jesus Belly?
(this isn't for "good luck". Will finds great pleasure and comfort in having his belly rubbed, he assumes everyone else does too)

Me: Sorry buddy, you can't rub Jesus' belly.

Will: Why not? Why Jesus not have belly. Does he eat?

Me:

Will: He had a belly when the soidiers kill him on the cross. I saw his belly.

Me:

Will: (turns and looks at me to see if I'm looking)

Me: (deep breath). Well, Jesus had a belly when he lived here on earth. But now he lives as a spirit. It's kind of like he doesn't have a belly, but it's kind of like all the bellies in the whole world are his.

Will: I touch it?

Me: Whenever you do something nice for someone who needs it, You are really doing something nice for Jesus. That's kind of like rubbing his belly.

Will: (thinking)

Me: (hoping this will be good enough for now)

Will: Is heaven messy, or is it pretty clean.

Me: I think it's pretty nice.

**
(last night my phone rings. Isaac and I are preparing a bedtime snack for he and his brother. The girls are upstairs)

Me: Sounds like my phone is ringing

Isaac: I think it's your brother

Isaac: or maybe it's Maryanne, or David, ... or Jesus.

Me: You think it might be Jesus?

Isaac: (pause) ...or Goliath!

Me: Sheesh! ...I hope it's not Goliath

**

Well there's your post. Hope your happy!
(please send me $4)

Congratulations to the Beans, I love you guys.

empty words and broken promises

2009-01-29T10:36:00.003-05:00

sorry. the film wasn't as close to done as i thought.
willow got sick.
katie got sick.
isaac got sick.
and for a few days i didn't feel very good.

...but

the postmark on festival submissions must be Jan 30th.
so it *will* be done.
I will blog *this* weekend!

And I will get 2008's book-keeping done.

And i will have my third generation mini-van plow ready for the February deluge of snow.
(ok, that last one probably won't happen, but you never know...)

ok seriously

2009-01-16T06:53:00.002-05:00

i'll blog this weekend.
maybe even post some videos.

i've been enslaved
to projects with deadlines
that would-not/could-not be delayed
any further
not even for a brief
moment of
blogging.

On the upside:
-I think I'm ready to take the bar exam section on corporate collections.
-1 of our 2 Short films (shot summer of 2007) is [pretty-much] complete.

Out of Order (but coming back soon)

2008-12-29T07:13:00.003-05:00

http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/o/out_of_order_gifts.asp

sorry for the silence.
when self employed people take a break for the holidays
they get really behind.

i'm starting to get caught up.
then i'll blog some more.
and you will all be able to have meaningful lives again...

:)

see you soon.

new headshots

2008-12-07T22:05:00.003-05:00

either my photography skills are improving dramatically (with no practice)
or my wife is getting hotter by the minute...

wow wow wow

2008-11-25T11:00:00.002-05:00

much like a car accident in the median
you know you shouldn't keep watching
but you can't turn away...

now, who's willing to "sign the comments" as a petition for my father (The Reverend Doctor William Rudd) to learn this routine and perform it on Sunday morning in his church?

belated apology, and advice from a hypocrite

2008-11-24T08:57:00.007-05:00

This December, I'll be spending the advent season with the good people of First Baptist Church. Their pastor is recovering from an operation, and I've always enjoyed filling in there (especially for advent).

Since I'm feeling pretty rusty in the pulpit (it's been 3 years since my early retirement from pastoral vocation) I thought I'd listen to a few old recordings of my advent sermons for some ideas.

When I was a pastor, I knew my sermons were too long. I'd always talk about it apologetically (probably hoping someone would be gracious enough to say -- "ohh..but *your* sermons are so interesting, I never notice the time...."), but I rarely demonstrated any progress in moving from 50 minutes to 30 minutes.

I'm sure I had an inflated sense of the importance of my words and the necessity for people to hear enough of them. I've since learned that every pastor has *someone* who will tell them that they aren't preaching too long. I guess that was all I needed. One person to stroke my ego while everyone else was over-informed, bored, or asleep.

From the age of 18 (part time youth pastor during college) until three years ago, there was no extended period of time when I was not in some form of church leadership (almost always vocational).

A "break" from that has given me some clarity on the matter.

And listening to my own sermons from 4 years ago, I'm once again reminded I owe lots of people lots of apologies.

If you were a victim of mine please accept my apology: I'm sorry.

PS. If you're a pastor, here's my suggestion:

Most sermons I hear actually contain 3-5 sermons.
Why not land on the first main idea that emerges?
Offer that idea from a few angles so that it connects with more of your audience.
Pose some questions to catalyze ongoing exploration.
Then give the idea some space to breathe.
Give it some time to find a place in the minds of the people who are listening.
Don't knock it loose with additional ideas.
Demonstrate your confidence in the text by resisting the urge to give it elaborate support.

Open Letter to President-Elect Barack Obama

2008-11-22T09:28:00.003-05:00

I'll be brief. I know you're busy.

I suggest that you appoint Seth Godin to be:

"Secretary of 'Let's-not-try-to-build-a-New-economy-the-Old-way'"

Seriously. I think we'd all find ourselves knee deep in the types of ideas we need to be cultivating for a new world.

I think that some of the best and brightest minds could be engaged in dialogue and leveraged for a better and brighter future.

I think we'd have a national catalyst for rethinking some of the habits that get us stuck.

At the minimum, I suggest that you make his blog and books required reading for your staff.

And consider this thought very seriously (not just in thinking about the automotive bailouts):
'What to do about Detroit'

Sincerely, Daniel Rudd
Small Business Owner, Michigan

PS. Thanks for your hard work. Congratulations.

crazy scary money's worth -o- fun

2008-11-19T22:13:00.003-05:00

In honor of my brother's recent trip to disney...

any guesses on what made pluto so mad?

Lost Footagej from the Archives

2008-11-13T08:43:00.003-05:00

So did I ever tell you about that time when I took Will and a big tank of helium to Philadelphia? It was a couple years ago but I just found the tape from my video camera.

the [happy] end[ing] of [my] political blogging

2008-11-08T16:39:00.006-05:00

1. McCain finished well. I was impressed by his concession speech and his demeanor. I particularly appreciate his obvious disapproval of his supporters who would "boo" at the mention of the new president elect.

I'm obviously happy with the election results, but I recognize that John McCain is a person worthy of great honor. I don't think a presidential campaign is the most fertile ground for cultivating virtue, and I wonder how much control or awareness either of the candidates had for many of the poor campaign decisions that were made.

2. I voted for Barack Obama because I believed that (all things considered), he was the best (but not the perfect) candidate with the best (but not the perfect) plan.

The fact that he is an African American had (as far as I can be sure) little to do with my decision.

However, it seems that it has a *lot* to do with emotions I've experienced after the election.

Having lived a privileged white life, and not having been closely connected to anyone who has experienced racial injustice in its most powerful forms, there isn't really a great explanation for the powerful emotions that I have been experiencing since November 5th.

I'm just more happy than I can express. Not just for those members of my human family who are not white (although very much for them), but for everyone. Even those of us (myself included) who have been complicit (by the benefits we have enjoyed) in creating a world of inequality.

The work toward a more just and equitable nation/world isn't done.
Barack Obama is not the Messiah.
I'm sure he'll make mistakes.
And, I'm sure I'm still unaware of prejudice and bigotry within my own habits and assumptions.

But I'm feeling a lot of pure happiness about what's happened.

3. To those with different ideas about our nation's future and some of the critical issues in this election, I am sorry for any disappointment you may be feeling.

I'm also sorry for any ways that I, or the party I support, have been disrespectful or combative in this emotionally charged election.

I'm still just as interested in hearing your viewpoints even when they are different from mine. I'm optimistic about the future. I hope we can all find ways to move forward more cooperatively, and I believe that our government will ultimately reflect *our* posture in doing this.

-Happily returning to silly videos and cute pictures, I remain:
Danielmatic

ps.

(it's a long speech (40 minutes); but it would not be time wasted, even if you've already heard it.

Is Obama a Socialist?

2008-10-30T15:39:00.009-04:00

First, lets consider the McCain/Palin assertion that Barack Obama may be a "socialist", wishes to "experiment with socialism", or that his tax plan resembles socialism in any way.

1) Higher taxation for people in higher income brackets is not socialism. It's called progressive taxation. It's used by most governments and overwhelmingly favored by economists.

2) The tax plans of both candidates are based on progressive taxation. They both tax wealthier citizens at higher percentages than they tax the lower income brackets. Obama wants to restore the former tax rates on the two wealthiest tax brackets (which were lowered by George Bush in 2001) while retaining or increasing the tax cuts that were given to the middle class tax brackets.

3) In 2001, while defending his vote against the Bush Tax Cuts, John McCain said,

"I cannot support a tax cut in which so many of the benefits go to the most fortunate among us at the expense of middle-class Americans who most need tax relief."

I don't know what changed McCain's mind, but his position eight years ago sounds like a good argument for Obama's tax plan. Now he's insisting that we need a change, that he's just the maverick to make that change happen, but for some reason we should make the Bush's tax breaks for the wealthy permanent?

4) When Barack Obama used the phrase "spread the wealth" (a regrettable choice of words) in his conversation with Joe the plumber, the contextual meaning was "spread around the *tax breaks* so more people can benefit from them". This is clearly understood if you listen to the entire conversation between Obama and the infamous plumber.

5) John McCain understands that Obama is not really proposing class warfare or the redistribution of wealth. And he understands that the tax proposals of both candidates are more similar than they are different. He knows that neither of them resemble true socialism. The 700 billion dollar bailout plan, which both candidates endorsed, resembles socialism far more closely than either tax plan.

In that light, the repeated assertion that Obama's plan resembles socialism feels pretty dishonest. I'm disappointed that John McCain would allow it to enter the conversation, surprised that he would embrace it, and even more disappointed that it has become such a centerpoint of the final stretch of their campaign.

6) John McCain truly believes that reduced taxes on the wealthiest Americans (and their estates) will ultimately strengthen our economy via the trickle down approach. I'm not questioning his motivation. And it's not a ridiculous concept. Lots of people agree with him. Even I think it may have been a successful strategy in the past (when the world was a very different place). He's entitled to his opinion and he's earned a platform to promote it. I think he should argue the merits of his plan and stop wasting time on unsubstantiated claims of socialism.

Some Important Facts About the Candidate's Tax Plans (I believe these assertions are mostly undisputed):

1) Unless you make over 250,000 per year, Obama's tax plan does not raise your taxes.

2) If your small business does not make a *profit* (not gross revenue) over 250,000 you are better off under the Obama tax plan. Even if your small business *does* make a net profit over 250,000, you may still pay less taxes (especially if your growth includes new employees or capital gains). If you are self-employed, you will have access to better more affordable health care under Obama's plan.

3) About 95% of Americans would be taxed less under Obama's tax plan, than McCain's tax plan.

With this in mind, I'm frustrated that John McCain and his campaign continually state that Obama will raise taxes. This seems pretty dishonest.
Factcheck.org debunks claims that Obama will raise taxes.
Here's a tax calculator which will allow you to estimate your taxes for 2009-2013 under the plans of both of the candidates. This web site is helpful in comparing the tax plans of the candidates; and here is another comparison.

Also: The plans of both McCain and Obama will have a virtually identical impact on the national deficit (neither will fix it; we'll basically end up another $150 billion in the hole either way). I haven't found a non-partisan research group that indicates otherwise. McCain's projections about Obama's spending do not seem to be based in the actual economic plans he has published.

Further: Obama's tax plan includes a comprehensive battery of tax credits and incentives for the middle class tax brackets (encompassing roughly 95% of US citizens). I believe that cultivating a more financially stable sector of professionals and small businesses will stabilize the US economy in much more effective and sustainable way than the "trickle-down" philosophy which has been tried for the last eight years--giving substantial tax breaks to the a few of the wealthiest Americans.

Interestingly enough, an unprecedented number of very wealthy Americans are leaving the republican party to support the Obama/Biden ticket. These are the citizens who know that McCain's tax plan will save them hundreds of thousands of dollars. But they also know that the value of the assets they hold relies on the future prosperity of the US economy. They are willing to pay more in taxes, not neccesarily as a matter of fairness, but a matter of survival.

Finally, Obama's budget does more for education, more for healthcare (I might actually be able to get decent health insurance as a self-employed person), more for senior citizens (no income tax on seniors who make less than 50,000 per year), and more for the technological developments that will make our nation cleaner, more independent, and more competitive.

When it comes to the economy:
What I'm hearing from Obama is a plan for the future. A plan that makes sense. A plan that is changes our course in some very important ways.

I'm not hearing that from McCain. And I'm not hearing where he is offering something substantially different than what we've got now.

tonight: watch for yourself 8-8:30pm

2008-10-29T18:04:00.003-04:00

a few friends and i bought some airtime for our candidate.
I *hope* you'll tune in.

8PM CBS, FOX, NBC

ps. tomorrow I talk about "spreading the wealth" and "socialism"

On a lighter note:

2008-10-25T10:41:00.003-04:00

I felt better about all the candidates now that they've demonstrated a sense of humor:

McCain Roasts Obama (about 10 minutes)
Obama Roasts McCain (about 10 minutes)

I call McCain the winner on this one. He's pretty funny.

Palin on Saturday Night Live (about 3 minutes)
some of Amy P.'s best work, it doesn't hurt that she's super-pregnant as she busts out her nine and "[shoots] a mutha-hump'n moose eight days of the week!"

Katie's mom sent me this cautionary video (don't worry, I won't forget):

Nephew Liam releases his first solo film project.

McCain, Obama, Osama, Ayers, & Us

2008-10-16T22:27:00.006-04:00

While his campaign continues its efforts to cultivate an imagined connection between Barack Obama and Osama Bin Laden (source), recent television adds accuse Obama of "lying" and attempting to "hide" his relationship with Bill Ayers.

(From FactCheck.org - non-partisan, non-profit group)

We find McCain's accusation that Obama "lied" to be groundless. It is true that recently released records show half a dozen or so more meetings between the two men than were previously known, but Obama never denied working with Ayers.

Other claims are seriously misleading. The education project described in the Web ad, far from being "radical," had the support of the Republican governor and was run by a board that included prominent local leaders, including one Republican who has donated $1,500 to McCain's campaign this year. The project is described by Education Week as reflecting "mainstream thinking" about school reform.

Despite the newly released records, there's still no evidence of a deep or strong "friendship" with Ayers, a former radical anti-war protester whose actions in the 1960s and '70s Obama has called "detestable" and "despicable."

Even the description of Ayers as a "terrorist" is a matter of interpretation. Setting off bombs can fairly be described as terrorism even when they are intended to cause only property damage, which is what Ayers has admitted doing in his youth. But for nearly three decades since, Ayers has lived the relatively quiet life of an educator. It would be correct to call him a "former terrorist," and an "unapologetic" one at that. But if McCain means the word "terrorist" to invoke images of 9/11, he's being misleading; Ayers is no Osama bin Laden now, and never was.

I reccomend that you read the entire article here.

I find myself neither upset, nor unsettled that Obama has worked cooperatively with Bill Ayers. I *want* a president who will cooperate with all kinds of people to further the interests of the United States and make the world a more peaceful, equitable, and prosperous place.

That kind of cooperation certainly includes direct diplomacy with our enemies when they aren't behaving in ways that promote peace. If they were behaving well, it seems diplomacy would be less necessary. In my mind, it also includes working to improve education alongside just about anyone who is willing to contribute in productive ways. (even if they have done bad things, or embrace different ideologies).

Obviously, I don't approve of people blowing up government property (or anyone's property). I don't advocate the choices of Bill Ayers in his youth. Barack Obama has definitively and consistently called those acts "detestable". Out of the scores of admirable public servants who have worked alongside Bill Ayers, it's likely that none of them agree with the militant activism Billy Ayers mobilized in the 70's. But almost three decades later, they still worked with him. Why? Because he was making positive contributions for the good of his community (you could say they were all working with people from the neighborhood).

Question: How would John McCain and his campaign leaders prefer that Obama had treated Bill Ayers?

(Ten Years Ago) Should he have refused to engage in a project to improve education simply because Bill Ayers (even then a contributing and well respected citizen of IL) was involved?

These boards included numerous other public servants from both political parties. Should all of them be somehow implicated in the acts committed by Bill Ayers more than 30 years ago?

Should every politician who has received some kind of support from Bill Ayers (or other entities with a shady past) receive this kind of scrutiny, or be compared to Osama Bin Laden?

I would actually be more upset to find that Barack Obama had refused to work on these education reform projects simply because another board member had participated in violent acts more than 30 years ago.

My feelings on this extend both directions:

I assume that Gov. Sara Palin does not agree with the many of the ideologies of the Alaska Independence Party (AIP) - a fairly radical group with a very radical past.

I choose to believe that she does not share in the feelings of the AIP's founder Joe Vogler who wrote: "I'm an Alaskan, not an American. I've got no use for America or her damned institutions... The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government. And I won't be buried under their damn flag. I'll be buried in Dawson. And when Alaska is an independent nation they can bring my bones home."

In 1993 Vogler was scheduled to make a presentation to the United Nations on making Alaska an independent nation. The presentation was sponsored by Iran.

Sara's husband was a member of the AIP from 1995-2002, but that doesn't mean that he agrees with Vogler's inflammatory rhetoric. And it certainly doesn't mean that Governor Palin does.

This year Sara Palin addressed the AIP convention, welcoming the attendees with remarks including: "Good luck on a successful and inspiring convention, keep up the good work, and God bless you."

Does the AIP have some radical ideas? Yes.

Was it founded by someone who was less than Patriotic in their rhetoric? Yes.

If she participates as a speaker in their 2008 convention, addresses them cordially and declares some of their work "good", does that mean she embraces all of their past and present viewpoints? Absolutely not.

A good leader works to build consensus and unite unlikely allies.

**

If we want peace for our children, we've got to suppress the urge to ignore, marginalize and isolate our enemies. Handing out "Axis of Evil" name-tags and refusing dialogue with enemies does not seem to be working well.

While there are some very bad people out there, we've got to remember that these nations are still comprised primarily of mothers and fathers who want peace for their children as desperately as we want it for ours.

I believe that we should seek an audience with anyone who demonstrates the most remote interest in peace. I believe this as a spiritual compulsion and a practical necessity. Barack Obama's willingness to extend diplomacy before conditions are met is a great step in that direction.

John McCain's campaign strategies, and his "guilt-by-association" posture toward diplomacy seems to be a stark contrast.

**
Back to the [ir]relevance of Bill Ayers in this election:

I believe that Sara Palin's *active* association with the AIP has a more significant bearing on this presidential election than the fact that Barack Obama worked on the same board of some non-profits with Bill Ayers. But at this point, the entire line of questioning seems to be an unnecessary distraction from the real issues.

If someone has a problem with either association (or any similar association), they should specifically identify whatever it is that they find detrimental in the ideologies or actions of the person who is a "friend", "colleague", or "acquaintance".

We *should* ask:
Does the candidate agree or endorse the behavior or ideals in question?
Is the candidate clearly and substantially influenced by the individual or organization?
Is the candidate, or will the candidate enable the undesirable behavior, ideals, or agenda in question?
Is the candidate complicit in wrong-doing?

If not, further inquiry seems like a waste of time.

From my perspective there is no reason to believe that Sara Palin "sees America as so imperfect" that that she thinks Alaska should break away from the union, even if she is able to find and applaud "the good work" being done by the AIP (whatever that may be).

Conversely, there is no connection between the actions of Bill Ayers 40 years ago, and Barack Obama's political campaign. It doesn't seem like Sara Palin has any legitimate reason to believe that cooperative efforts with Bill Ayers provide a true measure of how Barack Obama "sees America".

None of the candidates hate America. None of the candidates want to hurt their country. None of the candidates are friends of terrorists. None of the candidates have anything substantially in common with Osama Bin Laden.

Obviously, I don't approve of the Weather Underground's militant activism. However, since the W.U. took deliberate measures to make sure that no humans were harmed or killed in their bombings, I'm not sure it's helpful or honest to compare them to the Osama Bin Laden brand of terrorism.

With that in mind, the Virgina GOP Chairman Jeffrey Frederick's unapologetic assertion that: Obama and bin Laden "both have friends that bombed the Pentagon" seems ignorant, manipulative, and irresponsible. "That is scary," Frederick said while providing talking points to GOP volunteers in western Prince William County as they prepared for a door-to-door canvass (source).

Frederick knows that the 911 assassins he calls "friends" of Bin Laden, were in fact trained, motivated and equipped by Bin Laden himself. He knows that the eight year old Barack Obama was obviously and completely non-complicit when Bill Ayers executed his plan to flood the empty pentagon bathrooms destroying classified information in the pentagon.

And while we can rightfully call the actions of Bill Ayers in the 70s "terrorism", the value of human life implies that it cannot be considered in the same league as the 911 attacks.

The definition of "friends" is incomparable, and the scope of terror is incomparable.

I'm sure the line has garnered it's share of laughs. It is moderately clever.

For me, the comparison might be laughable if it did not seem so disrespectfully flippant toward those who have actually lost a loved one in a terrorist attack. The slightest implication of similarity seems to diminish the incredible loss caused by Bin Laden's attacks.

My son Will has a cold. If I went to the children's cancer ward and told a greiving father that "we have something in common", it wouldn't be lying outright; but it wouldn't be honest and it wouldn't be helpful. At best, it would be grossly insensitive.

The Virginia GOP Chairman knowingly made these evocative statements in the presence of a NY Times reporter who had been invited by the McCain campaign to observe Frederick and the campaign. Frederick remains the Virgina GOP Chairman and stands by his remarks.

Last week, McCain was asked directly if he felt the remarks were appropriate (video). McCain stated that he would have to "look at the context of [Frederick's] remarks" and proceeded to validate the connection Frederick was attempting to make; once again misquoting Obama as stating that "Bill Ayers was *just* a guy from the neighborhood".

This seemingly innocuous nuance has been erroneously repeated numerous times by McCain and his staff, further reinforcing his false claim that Obama lied about his relationship with Bill Ayers.

I'm not sure why McCain needed to examine the "context" of Frederick's statement. I can't imagine any context where such a comparison would be an appropriate public statement by a campaign leader.

In the following days the McCain Campaign issued the following statement: "While Barack Obama is associated with domestic terrorist William Ayers, the McCain campaign disagrees with the comparison that Jeff Frederick made."

From my perspective, it just doesn't seem that John McCain is sincerely interested in laying this comparison to rest.

**

Like everyone this election season, I approach these issues with a degree of personal bias. Still, it seems that these kind of statements coming from the McCain campaign are unacceptably frequent, deceptive, and intentionally engineered to create an irrational conclusion or some kind of hysteria.

It also seems these groundless assertions are intended to play into the fears that are peddled to the gullible and willfully ignorant:

"Just listen to his name..."
"He says he's a Christian, but he was raised in a Madrasa..."
"Once a Muslim, always a Muslim..."

When this type of atmosphere is intentionally and consistently cultivated, you can't be surprised when McCain/Palin supporters start yelling:
"Traitor!"
"Terrorist"
"Kill Him!"
"Arab"

This is a dangerous form of political energy.

And these are sad moments for America (sad for the whole world).

My suggestion to the candidates: (I assume you are both listening)

At this point, you both have an opportunity to take a big step in the right direction:

"Thanks for coming to our rally. Feel free to get excited. But if anyone shouts something that is hateful, dehumanizing, or of a violent nature, we will stop whatever it is we are doing. We will all cooperate to identify the person who shouted the inflammatory statement. They will be forcefully removed from this and all future rallies. If possible, we will press charges. This party, this candidate, and this country, deserves better, and will not tolerate less."
**

To his credit, in the time that I've been working on this post, John McCain has made some small steps in the right direction.

Considering the ads he continues to run & the enabling statements he has already made, I believe that he and his campaign need to do more. (much more).

A clear and consistent message along these lines would help: "I do not believe that Barack Obama holds *anything* in common with Osama Bin Laden. The comparison is ridiculous and ugly. I regret someone made it while campaigning on my behalf. My best efforts will be applied toward the prevention of statements like this coming from my campaign." (If he's made this statement and I've missed it, please let me know).

**

I should also add that unfortunately, neither campaign has been innocent of misinformation.

Barack Obama's campaign also runs negative ads pointing out what they perceives to be deficiencies in McCain's policies, voting record, or stance on issues. While I often agree, and find that type of critique appropriate (from either side); I've sometimes been disappointed when those ads turn out to be misleading. I wish that Obama's campaign would more often find the courage and humility to correct these mistakes and issue retractions when necessary.

Here is a critical difference in my mind: As far as I can tell, none of Obama's campaign ads have been engineered to make the American people associate John McCain with a mass murderer, or enhance the existing ethnic tensions surrounding people of color, Americans of middle-eastern decent, the Muslim faith, or fear induced racial profiling.

And most politicians at least try to remember that their opponent could be leading the nation in a couple months.

I believe that John McCain wants the best for America.
I believe that John McCain is an American hero.
I believe that this political behavior is beneath his ability, beneath his accomplishments, and beneath the office he aspires to.

First, One More Thing... (Amended)

2008-10-14T22:45:00.006-04:00

Barak Obama is a Christian. He's never been a Muslim. He wasn't raised in a Madrasa.

Barak Obama is an American citizen. He is not of Arab descent.

The way that Barak Obama's name sounds has absolutely nothing to do with either of the previous facts, and even less to do with his ability to lead the country.

These are facts. They have been tested and cofirmed by every major news outlet. We can ascribe more certainty to these facts than we can to the moon landing.

Barak Obama has been in public service for a long time. He's been running for president for a long time. He is under a great deal of scrutiny. To imply or assume that he is hiding some dark secret, or sinister affiliation with America's enemies is a waste of everyone's time.

For someone who should know better, it's more than a waste of time. It's condescending (to thinking Americans), manipulative (to gullible Americans), and debilitating to the democratic process.

You know who you are (even if I don't)
Stop it.

I think we all expect better.

**
adendum: I wanted to keep this post brief, but I don't feel right about leaving off this important detail:

If John McCain, Barak Obama, or any qualified candidate *were* Arab-Americans it would not negatively influence my voting decision.

For every militant fundamentalist Muslim, there are literally millions of people who practice Islam faithfully and peacefully. In the future, if one of them were to run for president on a platform that reflects my values, I will not hesitate to vote for her. The same is true for a Deist or a practicing Jew.

We are at a pivotal moment in history. It's not the time to say "Arab's [or Muslims] bombed our buildings so an Arab shoudln't be president."

*Extremists* attacked us. They could have found fuel for their hate in the Christian Scriptures if they had not [mis]used the Koran (this premise confirmed by history and current events).

If anyone of Arab descent, or Muslim faith reads this, please accept my apologies. It is a fact that Barak Obama is not Arab, and not Muslim. It is a shame that we're fixating on it. It's a shame that it matters.

John McCain Posts:

2008-10-13T08:39:00.004-04:00

I'll be writing about my concerns with John McCain for a few weeks.

He's a hero. He's sacrificed much. I appreciate and respect him.

I do not think he is a good choice for the presidency.

I'll try to articulate that in the most respectful and compassionate ways possible.

I know lots of people who disagree with me. I respect and love them just as much in light of that.

I think that a good, intelligent, and faithful person could in good conscience vote for John McCain or Barak Obama.

(I won't publish anonymous comments)

being a maveric is kind of like being a lady

2008-10-02T22:35:00.002-04:00

if you frequently find yourself telling people you are...
you probably aren't.

wow...

2008-09-29T09:53:00.002-04:00

i've decided that the internet is basically good, and not evil.
thanks in part to facebook's notification technology, i received a bazillion birthday wishes.
....some really thoughtful notes
...phonecalls and messages (chachacha-emma!)
..chinese food and a nice lunch with ma and pa
.cards gifts and hugs from the kids

i couldn't possibly list all the ways that the people in my life have been kind to me (both on my birthday and throughout my 31st year.

so thank you everyone.
i feel really lucky to have all of you in my life
you made a really great day (weekend) even greater.

in an effort to "give back" I'll share one of my bd messages from the corbin prodigy
enjoy (audio recording)

happy birthday to me

2008-09-28T08:50:00.003-04:00

i don't really believe in birthdays.
it's just another day.
(sorry mom, I'm not trying to minimize your efforts 32 years ago)
but I *do* believe in getting special treatment.

and i've gotten plenty.
so thanks everybody. i feel very well loved.

a few of my favorite presents.
B&N gift cards,
a very very nice blog post
an hour long massage (masterminded and administered by my lover)
she borrowed a table, set up a room, played relaxing music
and (apparently) went to massage school somewhere along the line.
it was amazing

the kids will be back tonight.
and I just keep thinking how dramatically different my life is from one year ago.
and how incredibly fortunate I am.

it is a very very happy birthday

(as my birthday wish -- i'm praying, hoping, and projecting the peace and joy that I'm experiencing toward all the people i love who are experience life on more difficult terms -- i hope to be more present for you this year)

beanworld

2008-09-27T16:00:00.002-04:00

* Will and Willow demonstrate the benefits of home video viewing for vocabulary development
* Ginger is a Ninja
* Isaac sheepishly declares his undying devotion to Adeline's four wheeler (his "favorite toy") -- then mercilessly throttles over his cameraman/father

Visit To the Bean's House from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

** grownups enjoyed Katie's heirloom chicken and dumpling recipe -- a good time had by all

The Birthplace of White Puppy (it works now)

2008-09-25T09:41:00.005-04:00

A couple days ago I got to spend an evening canoeing with my girls. On our way up the channel we discovered a magical water forest cove--which turned out to be the birthplace of White Puppy.

Discovering the Birthplace of WhitePuppy from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

There was great rejoicing.

conversation with will

2008-09-25T07:24:00.000-04:00

seagull conspiracies from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

professor tj?

2008-09-21T22:07:00.002-04:00

crazy water balls from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

Tube-O-Crazy

2008-09-18T17:18:00.002-04:00

tube o crazy from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

my skatepunk son

2008-09-16T21:52:00.003-04:00

we headed north to our old house on Cedar Avenue tonight. The goal was to pick up our canoe. The bonus was a good time wiht our old neighbors/friends/generous-hosts (deb, lilly, mim, zach, and max).

Willow had fun defluffing cat-tails swiped from the mile long dock. Ginger bonded with zach (she's very good with dogs), Isaac explored and Will found his new calling. It was very hard for him to part with the helmet.

check him out:

skatepunk will from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

Election 01: Pro-Life for Obama

2008-09-13T20:13:00.006-04:00

If you know me well, you know that my world changed dramatically when I became a father. I was completely blindsided by how strongly I could *feel*. I've never recovered and I can't imagine life without them.

We all understand that we live in a broken world, and that women often find themselves in a place where raising a child would be very difficult. Perhaps impossible. It was the bravery of Isaac and Will's birthmother that resulted in the greatest gift I've ever received. I've always been pro-life (now more than ever).

*

With that said, I have not found the "Pro-Life" political movement to be adequate in its advocacy on behalf of LIFE.

I do not consider it to be effective in influencing people to think and act in ways that truly and expansively value all human life.

I do not feel that it adequately addresses some of the complex dimensions or scenarios that comprise the abortion issue.

I consider its legislative efforts to be ineffective in addressing the root of the issue, and in some ways counter productive.

Additionally, I believe that people of faith must always be careful when they become passionate about any cause. For me this becomes even more true when a cause focuses my attention on evil that is *outside* of myself.

This kind of cause, even when it is rightfully motivated, can easily become a diversion from honest introspective inquiry. I believe that in many ways the issue of abortion--particularly as it is framed by the pro-life movement and political conservatives--has become one of those diversions.

I don't believe anyone has ever truly wanted to abort a child.

When I think about the abortion issue, the most important questions for me center on the systemic forces that create those desperate situations. I want to consider the ways that my personal and political decisions contribute to those forces. I'm primarily speaking of poverty, lack of opportunities for minorities and inequalities in education.

For me, this is a more productive way of addressing evil in general, and a way that seems to align more closely with the teachings of Jesus. I want to always start by looking inward.

An externally focused legislative approach to the problem of abortion is (in my mind) an unrealistic solution in today's political climate. In addition to being unrealistic, I believe that the Pro-Life legislative agenda offers a largely ineffective solution because it only addresses the surface layer of a deep and complex issue.

I'm not saying that the issue is of little importance. I find abortion to be horrific and deeply saddening. I am saying that the for people who are called to advocate on behalf of LIFE, there are *many* other important considerations in this year's election.

While many billions of dollars have been spent rallying Christian Americans around [the 'pro-life'] cause, there is very little effort to understand the impact of the American lifestyle on the poor of the world.

There has been very little inquiry toward unfair trade policies, the enormous loss of civilian life as "collateral damage" in our military operations, or the daily opulence we enjoy as millions of children in the developing world starve.

We've not closely examined our own domestic systems of discrimination and inequality that repeatedly cultivate the kind of desperation that brings someone to an abortion clinic.

I find the stance taken by Barack Obama on many of these issues to be far more consistent with my Christian (pro-life) values.

I find the rhetoric and policies of George Bush and John McCain to be very centered in preserving and protecting the "American Way of Life", instead of preserving and protecting LIFE wherever we find it. I find them to be more focused on creating opportunity for the wealthy, than for the poor. (I'll save my thoughts on sustainable free-market economics for a different post).

I have a lot more I'd like to say about that, but for now I'll focus on the practical ramifications of this election for abortions in the United States (because that does matter to me very much).

I feel strongly that the policies of the Democratic party do far more to address issues of poverty, inequality, and the education of at-risk youth. I believe that this type of focus has proven to have an immediate, direct, tangible, and statistically demonstrable impact on the number of abortions performed in America.

It's not just that I find Barack Obama's plan to be more holistic or philosophically sound in the way it values (all) LIFE. I find that it is more effective--even when it comes to the specific issue of abortion. Caring for the poor, creating opportunity for the disadvantaged, and making adoption more accessible, simply does more to prevent abortions than having a president who is endorsed by the Pro-Life Movement ever could.

In the last few decades, the greatest declines in abortions occurred during the Clinton administration when impoverished mothers had more options, resources for adoption were greater, and the under-privileged had greater access to education and job training. The last eight years have seen a diminished reduction of abortions as many of those programs have been cut.

Sadly, those tax dollars were reallocated to a war that has resulted in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of civilians (both born and unborn).

I'm pro-life and I'm voting for Barack Obama.

I'm open to your thoughts. Let me know if anything requires clarification.

don't call us! we're busy

2008-09-12T17:56:00.003-04:00

just because katie and i work from home doesn't mean you can call us during the day, or expect us to be available for stuff.

we're very busy doing things and such.
important business matters and dealings.

PLEASE! LET US WORK!

Election Blogging (Preface)

2008-09-12T13:25:00.000-04:00

It's an important election.
And for the first time, I feel strongly in favor (hopeful) about a candidate.
So I'm going to write about my opinions on the candidates and the issues.

Please don't mis-interpret the intensity of my feelings for disrespect or ambivalence toward those who hold opposing viewpoints.

There are a lot of people, that I both love and respect, who see things very differently from the way that I do. That does not diminish the love or respect that I have for them.

I believe that the voting decisions of evangelical Christians will play a very significant role in this election. As someone who spent more than 10 years as a pastor in evangelical Christian churches, I'm hoping to offer some thought-provoking perspectives.

I'm voting for Barack Obama.

Tomorrow, I'll post about my pro-life stance.

spiders and smiles in the woods

2008-09-10T23:19:00.001-04:00

spiders and smiles in the woods from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

affectionate bedtime quotes from isaac

2008-09-09T21:03:00.004-04:00

last night:
[while tenderly patting my shorn head]
you a good man dad...
you're a good tool fixer
you're a good dad...
[some internal chuckling]
you're a good caboose bed
[explosion of laughter]

tonight:
[isaac's in bed and i'm scratching his back]
i got you a present dad.
i put it on your bed.
it's a necklace and a phone.
i bought it for you at the store.

**
are you a surprised as I was that I did not find the items on bed?

**

tonight (after will is tucked in):

Dad!
(yes Isaac)
I don't want you to leave.
(sorry buddy, I have to. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed)
You not need a shower! Your armpits not smell bad. You smell nice!

killer frog

2008-09-01T07:55:00.002-04:00

we spent part of our honeymoon at my grandpa's cabin.
Katie (a true situational actor) was attacked by the giant wooden frog that greets all cabin guests as they pull in the driveway. Luckily my camera phone was there to document.

Untitled from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

what happens in vegas...

2008-08-26T10:48:00.009-04:00

...gets put on my blog.
(sometimes it just takes a while)

A couple weekends ago Katie and I went to the "New Media Expo" in search of new customers and a better understanding of the vlogger/podcaster/new-media industry.

We met some cool people. Sold some music. Had a chance encounter with some generous and interesting old friends of mine.

In the evenings, when all the work was done, we even had some time to enjoy each other. (which i *really* enjoyed).

When at shows like this, it's good to get as many interviews or editorial contacts as you can.

I had fun doing a live interview with the good people of "Blog Talk Radio".

Chuck from the MacVoices podcast was great.

The excellent Marcelo Lewin (Pixelheads Network)
did a video interview for his show "Exposed" (I thought there would be editing so I was a little more candid than I should have been).In a screenshot of that interview (below), you can see Katie in the background doing her thing.
(her thing being: looking very hot, being very articulate, becoming fast friends with everyone, inflating revenue like nobody's business).

Katie and I don't often get to spend significant time together (just the two of us). This trip was really nice in that way, and having Katie's help made a huge improvement on what is usually an exhausting experience (trade shows).

We missed the kids a lot. Katie turned $5 into $30 in an attempt to appease the constant chorus of a million slot machines. (then, with the same level of resolve, she turned $30 into nothing - I was much more efficient in turning my $5 into nothing).

There were frequent sightings of a middle aged man dressed as a frog--that was [the frog] dressed as a warrior (no one would accuse him of being one-dimensional in his fantasy).

The Detroit airport rejuvenated our tired bones in a "tunnel of heavenly lights"

tunnel of heavenly lights from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

I love flying. I was able to briefly capture an incredibly beautiful while flying over Michigan.

Beauitiful View from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

(also, toward the beginning of the video, you can look out the window and see some interesting cloud formations).

(this morning) white puppy's birthday

2008-08-26T10:40:00.003-04:00

celebrated with decorations, trumpet fanfare, marching, and general exuberance...

White Puppy's Birthday from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

special thanks to my brother, the kids regularly ask to practice on uncle david's trumpet (with supervision of course)

the pony farm

2008-08-15T10:30:00.002-04:00

Untitled from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

Untitled from Daniel Rudd on Vimeo.

i'll see you in las vegas

2008-08-09T06:57:00.003-04:00

i've been really swamped.
(i know, it's the story of my life for the last 2 years)

my most pressing deadline right now, is a trade show in Las Vegas
after day one on the show floor is complete,
I will begin the assembly of a blogging extravangza.
by the end of next week will overwhelm you with content.

once i've caught you up on the doings of the rudd6,
i'll be focusing on the upcoming election.

happy birthday

2008-06-30T13:32:00.004-04:00

you're extraordinary
beautiful
amazing
brilliant
beyond sexy
compassionate
complex
creative
passionate
perfectly nuanced
mine

i don't know what i did without you
I'm lucky beyond words to be granted a place in the world that celebrates your birthday

to my concerned readers...

2008-05-13T09:24:00.004-04:00

(re: the comments from my last post)

1. be assured: there are no typos in any of my past present or future posts. anything that appears as such is an (obvious) error on the part of the reader. Don't feel bad, it's probably due to my cosmic grasp of language, which from time to time employs words, spellings, or alternate meanings of words, which have not yet been discovered (like ankshent, and nukeyoular). For your own protection, this is not open for discussion.

2. certainly, *you* are not the "rabid" readers I was discussing in my last post. You are the "concerned readers". There are, of course, many other kinds of readers as well. I assumed that when I noted the quantity of "rabid" readers (thousands or millions perhaps) that all would understand I was discussing a microscopic minority within my general readership (billions perhaps trillions).

3. While statistical probability suggests that tens (hundreds perhaps) of my readers do in fact have rabies in the very literal sense, this was not my intended categorization of the thousands/millions I referred to in my post. I was describing a "rabid" state of mind: hunched over their keyboards, pounding the refresh button like an old-school metronome, awaiting the next post with mouths a-froth and darting eyes.

Many of my readers, upon looking deep into their own hearts, will discover their own true nature. Do not be ashamed. You are not alone.

4. This kind of rabid fervor often leads to desperate measures. While we appreciate redbeard's finely crafted tribute site: and its predecessor (from the anti-onion-coven) The ManielDatic Buper Slog my legal counsel informs me that we should not make an official endorsement of either of these sites at this point.

This extra post has been kind of tiring, so any "above-and-beyond" donations this month would be appreciated. Remember, only I can make this blog grow, but that doesn't mean you can't "plant more seed"...

seriously, i mean it, for sure...

2008-05-11T09:48:00.004-04:00

i will post again.
but i'm trying to get my office and studio set up;
and i've got to make some music;
and i need to get some pictures together before i can post again.

i realize the inconvenience that I'm causing to 1000's (millions even?) of rabid readers, and I appreciate your patient dedication to this publication. Please keep the donations coming and there will be new content soon!

speedblog

2008-05-01T21:11:00.002-04:00

no time to blog all the things i would like to blog...
but I'll share yesterday's funniest quote:
will: "Dad, I want to go to the dentist."
me: "You want to go to the dentist?"
will: "Ye-ah" (in the two-syllable way that will says it)
me: "yeah, our dentist is nice isn't he?"
will: "Ye-ah... my teeth are getting too long."

ps. unbelievably cute prodigy

very very happy

2008-04-20T10:06:00.001-04:00

all who helped to make yesterday very special,
thank you so much.
we are very happy
see you soon...
-daniel & katie

grueling happyness

2008-04-12T12:36:00.002-04:00

i'm very very happy with my life
it's been a really grueling week
the boys turned three * they are amazing
and they are surrounded by amazing people who love them
i'm so thankful for all of them (you)
and i'm so thankful for the new shape my family will take
one week from today * i can't wait.

and it's been a really grueling
high-pressure-feel-horrible-week

there are numerous simple and complex
reasons why this week has been so difficult
but two prominent suspects should be noted:

1. the IRS and their pesky deadlines
2. the antics of this tiny little organism

the streptococcus bacteria managed to give several days
of torment before the medi-center flushed him out of hiding
with a culture.

Katie also provided a nurturing environment for this resilient
moocher to grow, find fulfillment and look for other places to
expand its operations.

Both of us should be feeling a little better, and no longer be
contagious by this evening.

All four kids left to spend time their other parents on Wednesday
and so far are not reporting symptoms.
But if you've been around any of us.
Be aware.
Be paranoid.
Talk yourself into a sore throat.
and get your free antibiotics from meijers.

...i still feel *really* fortunate.
I have a lot more to say about that
I hope to have time soon.

"I can dig it!"

2008-03-24T14:34:00.003-04:00

While shoveling, Isaac and Will would often exclaim: "Bompa, GoGo be SOOO HAPPY!"
(because they were shoveling their driveway or sidewalk).

And just for the record (mom and dad) I did try to "shovel" all their helpful efforts back into the snow banks once they were inside.

This video documents one of the last good shoveling expeditions of the year (for this I am not sad).

And also triggered the lyrics of one of Will's favorite songs in his bulldozing video.

spring is coming!!?!!

2008-03-19T15:08:00.002-04:00

every other week the boys go with their momma for an extended weekend.
that's when i get most of my work done.
that's also when i'm very lonely for my boys.
so i usually try to borrow them back on friday or saturday for lunch.

last friday we had time the park as well (first time since fall)

all were jubulent as we sensed the proximity of spring, and the season of daily visits to the park

wasting my time, so you can waste yours

2008-03-18T11:17:00.008-04:00

I find this pretty extraordinary

(via tony's page)

A closer look finds beauty in the fading flower I gave one of my valentines a few weeks ago...

(click to enlarge)

I think I'd like to experiment with more photography like this.

*

These pictures were passed on to me by a friend, but originated many levels away. So I don't know who to credit for the images or the explanation (below):

Subject: An ice wave from the floor of Lake Huron near Mackinaw Island.....

An Ice wave from the floor of Lake Huron near Mackinaw Island.....

Michigan has had the coldest winter in decades. Water expands to freeze, and at Mackinaw City the water in Lake Huron below the surface ice was supercooled. It expanded to break through the surface ice and froze into this incredible wave.

I've seen pictures of this wave phenomena in Antarctica, but in Michigan? Yes, it's been quite a winter!

***
And finally, no explanation is needed for the inclusion of the "Gert Johnnies" in this e-mail.

i'm pretty sure this comes via the keen musical taste of matt fulk,
I'm more certain that this is proof positive of a rift in the space time continuum.
Jon Gerten, you now have reason to believe in re-incarnation

life is good

2008-03-17T17:06:00.004-04:00

saturday night i was the luckiest man
at the westshore symphony
with a beautiful woman at my side
beautiful sounds surrounding me
and interesting conversations
from our gracious hosts
(Uncle Keith and Aunt Sue)
who also treated us
to an exquisite dinner
at the city cafe

and oh yeah... the little mermaid was there.

missing jae and addi

2008-03-13T09:07:00.004-04:00

but i know i'll be seeing them soon.

here's a shot from last summer capturing jaelynn
as the incredible "big cousin" that she is...

earnest will

2008-03-13T08:57:00.007-04:00

there is something about children in a state of "earnestness"
that really endears me.

Will (in all of his best and worst moments)
is possibly the most earnest human I know.

unbridled affection * unrestrained emotion * cheerful "galump-ing"*
agonizing-bloodcurdling-laments
he's intense. he's unabashed. he's fully revealed.

If he senses that your level of attentiveness
does not mirror his level of urgency:
He'll grasp your face firmly,
his two little palms reshaping your cheeks,
directing your face to squarely address his own
inches from his widely opened eyes.

whatever it is you're experiencing with Samuel William,
you can count on it being very sincere.

here's "earnest will" when he was about 4 months old.

**

Will (sincerely-earnestly-intensely) loves
to watch cousin Liam play soccer.

Here's a clip from last week's game.
Props to Liam for some nice defensive work.
There was much that I did not capture (dead battery).

Observe Will's constant attempts to inform Liam of his presence.
And his instantaneous joy when Liam's team scores.

BTW: for 4 consecutive nights after this game
Will exclusively requested that his "special story"
feature: "Liam Plays Soccer"

**

for my final "Earnest Will" exhibit,
I invite you to enjoy this short clip from the archives.
the sound quality is terrible
but the memory is firmly embedded in my mine.
We called him "captain hillarious"
he had just learned the joy of diabolical laughter

i tried to sign him up for "Junior Super-villain camp that summer,
but apparently you have to be potty-trained.

*galump-ing: (gerund) to galump(v); the way that Will walks with an unbalanced but moderately rhythmic shuffle-thump, corresponding (momentary) shoulder shrugs, and consequential swaying of perfectly limp arms--ultimately conveying a sense of optimistic possibility and his unmoderated embrace of whatever the immediate future holds.

Are you kidding me?

2008-03-13T08:15:00.005-04:00

I found this old picture two days ago.
I love it because I think it captures one of Isaac's very frequent faces:
"wait a minute... are you serious?!?"

And from the date of the post, he couldn't have been more than 4 months old.

I haven't capture it often.

here's one other picture where I can barely see it:

...almost three years old, and he loves a good joke more than ever.

Beware the Flying Koala!

2008-03-08T09:37:00.008-05:00

shoveling has proven to be the boys' new favorite pastime

**

ginger and willow have both enjoyed early "graduations"
to new classes (gymnastics and dance)

**

niece/cousin emma defies the fastest settings on my camera
as she hurtles over her specialty...

...and earns herself a place in the state competition
(coming up next weekend)

**

I promise to post more regularly when i finish my taxes.
-daniel

wow

2008-02-17T16:23:00.003-05:00

my brother helps me feel normal

2008-02-17T11:41:00.005-05:00

if you thought my toaster rant a few posts back was bordering clinical
(as several were kind enough to point out in your comments),
i invite you to enter the mind behind these eyes.

fortunately, Andrew's psychosis usually turns out to be meaningful in some profound way.
it's one of the best posts in a while from one of the best storytellers i know

on your mark, get set,

2008-02-16T08:26:00.004-05:00

ok sorry for the mixup.... here's a replacement video (also from this fall):

If you could see their eyes more clearly, you'd appreciate the immense pleasure they both find in being the *only* person who really knows *when* they will actually "Go".

I find this to be a perfectly valid way to enjoy the beginning of a race.
...it's possible that a future track coach might feel differently.

peanuts and cheerios beware!

2008-02-15T18:40:00.003-05:00

i'll post some more current stuff soon.
for now, here's a little video from fall featuring my highly motivated son and one of his favorite pastimes.

Messed Up World!

2008-01-30T07:04:00.000-05:00

I'm so angry.
I've been up since 4am.
I'm trying to get my songs finished for Stock20 January release.

I'm very hungry.

I just want one piece of toast.
Thick hearty Koeplinger's Wheat Bread
With Smucker's all natural peanut butter.

I don't want two pieces of toast.
I know that after I eat one, I won't need another one.

But I can't stop both sides of the toaster from heating up!

I refuse to waste the energy of the vacant toaster chamber.
And I refuse to waste a piece of Koeplinger's Wheat Bread.

So, I sit.
Not eating.
Not making music.
Angry...

...

wait!
it's winter.
I'll put the toaster under the thermostat.
Then the furnace will sit efficiently at rest for a few more minutes.
And I will slather my esophagus with toast.

clean-up

2008-01-21T14:51:00.000-05:00

The boys have been learning (among other things) to clean up after themselves.

There are three primary sets of toys dominating play time right now: a train set (gift from gigi and ryan) and legos (gift from david and maryanne), and a set of "cut-able" wooden vegetables (gift from Katie's mom Colleen).

When finished, Isaac and Will are equally passionate about carefully storing every piece in its designated container, and meticulous about quickly correcting any errors made in the cleanup process.

The boxes are carefully stored on the shelf in the exact same locations.

Also high on the list right now is vacuuming and doing dishes (now if I can just get them to sew fancy basketball shoes I'll be I'll set).

Of course Isaac's favorite projects always involve some reason to use the shop-vac.

some important news

2008-01-13T09:04:00.000-05:00

On November 6, I posted about some specific ways that my life felt rich and beautiful.
And that post linked to more details about a special person.

And in that description I hypothesized that I would have more to say about that person (and that relationship) in the future.

And I'm very very happy to say more now, so I've updated the page that I wrote introducing you to Katie Corbin.

So, if you are interesting in hearing about some exciting and significant recent developments in my life click here.

too much

2008-01-06T20:41:00.000-05:00

it's not that there isn't anything to say.
it's that there is too much.
(some things that are really great, that I'm very excited about)

but i've been really really swamped
right now i'm recovering from a day on the tradeshow floor
felt some floriday sunshine today
but not much of it

i'll write more later this week when i'm home

Untitled General Blog Post

2007-12-22T15:30:00.000-05:00

Last Monday the process of my divorce was complete.
I know that this conclusion feels sad for a lot of people.
I understand that hurt and I'm sorry for it.

I know that I still haven't said much about the breakdown of my marriage. My intention is to avoid the discussion of any details that could in any way detract from the relationships between my boys and their mother.

But here's what I can say that might be helpful in understanding my readiness to move on with my life.

When Andrea moved out six months ago, it began the legal process of divorce. But for me it wasn't the beginning of the divorce itself, it was the end of it. It marked the end of many years of hard work to restore the marriage. It marked the end of my fear, and my efforts to avoid that which I dreaded most. And when it all unraveled, I realized that the fear itself was doing me more harm than the object of my fear.

My work in counseling for the last few years was primarily focused on learning to accept and make the best of a hurting relationship, even when it wasn't what I had hoped for - and didn't seem like it would head that way. Learning to let go of my expectations for marriage really prepared me to let go of the marriage in a peaceful way.

In my experience, most people enter into the legal proceedings of divorce with a sense of confusion, rejection, and loss. That's why a divorce can easily bring out the very worst in people, and that's why it usually takes about two years. And that's why it's so difficult (sometimes impossible) for people to find any sense of closure.

So I'm not saying that there was no anger, grief or hurt. And I'm not saying that Andrea and I are now good friends. But we do have a respectful & cooperative relationship. We can coexist and communicate well, and it seems that we are both willing to do what is necessary to help our boys feel safe and loved.

I do regret my shortcomings in marriage, but at the same time I feel good about my efforts toward having a good marriage and growing as a person.

I do regret (and understand) the pain that people I love experience as a result of this divorce, but at the same time I feel very thankful for the peace and joy I am experiencing now.

I do not regret the choice I made more than 10 years ago to marry Andrea. It's been painful at times, but there were good times too. Andrea and I had some different ideas about marriage, and some difficulty working through those differences. But she was kind to me in many ways.

That relationship brought Will and Isaac into my life, and it was a major part of shaping who I am today and the place I find myself now.

And the place in life that I find myself is a very good place to be.
The boys are brilliant, hilarious, loving, growing, and well adjusted.
I have wonderful family and friends.
I'll have a place of my own to live soon.
I'm experiencing some really amazing and meaningful connections that I never expected 6 months ago.
It's Christmas.
And the new year looks VERY inviting.

I hope that all of you can experience some of the same gratitude and hope.
Merry Christmas.

A Challenge to Nick Wagenmaker

2007-12-08T10:27:00.000-05:00

Be it resolved:
Whereas the particular skill which is demonstrated herein, demonstrates full compatibility with the numerous and randomly astounding wonderments performed by one "Nick Wagenamker" and for the general betterment of western culture, should be added to his repertoire post haste.

Also, this should be done while balancing a soccer ball.
thanks to tara p. for the video (none of my business what search terms brought her to this clip)

Silent Night [vive la stock20]

2007-12-03T18:15:00.000-05:00

So, I'm still feeling pretty inept with my new recording setup, but I'm slowly getting up to speed.

My first official Stock20 project was a "Christmas Gift" for our faithful customers (who have remained loyal in the absence of new music for about 5 months).

So I developed a unique interpretation of "Silent Night", recruited a talented vocalist to refine and record the melody, then today Tony released it.

I've since received scores of positive e-mails and order comments from our customers. In less than three hours it's been ordered and downloaded over 300 times. That makes me happy.

Here's an mp3 version for your listening/burning/sharing enjoyment.

And if you (or someone you know) is a media professional, a free license to use this song in creative projects can be acquired at www.stock20.com

ps. I also posted a short video on the boys' site, should be available shortly.

What Happened?!?

2007-11-20T08:39:00.001-05:00

Isaac is currently posing this question hundreds of times daily.
If anything is out of the ordinary
If the contents of a room are re-arranged
If people are laughing and he doesn't get the joke
If anyone raises their voice (kidding on not)
If anyone gets a "time out"...

"What Happened? What Happened?"

If the explanation you offer is inadequate:

"What Happened? What Happened?"

Sometimes these explanations can be challenging. And with Isaac, you can't just make something up.

**

I think the video below (provided by Tony's zoo photography) is one of my favorite "What Happened" contexts.

**

This past weekend, Tony and Tara planned a really exciting day for the Rudd boys and the Corbin 3. I've posted a photo essay on the boys' blog.

All the creatures were fascinating in many ways. But for two members of our group (who happen to be in the preliminary potty-training stages) excretory function seemed to remain the central theme of every exhibit.

The animal in the video below was not very active, but was greatly enjoyed by all.

note: Isaac calls Will "Wilson" when he is excited.

props to my homies

2007-11-12T07:56:00.000-05:00

a pressing editing deadline and some hardware issues kept me from visiting calvary to hear my brother preach this Sunday.

But a few weeks ago, I was able to avail myself of that opportunity. I filled out the paperwork required to loose the demolition duo on calvary's unsuspecting children's ministry, and found myself a seat next to some of my other siblings.

Before I say more, it should be noted that:

1) I have a really hard to sitting through almost any type of presentation for more than 20-30 minutes (yes, I know that I have no right to complain about lengthy sermons)

2) If you know David and I, you know that we have a few divergent views on things, and some generally different ways of thinking/functioning (for instance: he's responsible, organized, and focused. He holds a job and completes advanced degrees. I barely emerged from college with a dubiously acquired bachelors degree and a career path that gets changed more often than the oil in my minivan)

So there I was in the 10:30 service:
-Surrounded by six or seven hundred nice people, a solid majority of those adults being republicans who have jobs and do not live with their mothers
-And I was listening to a 40+ minute lecture.
-And I assume that I was hearing a theological/philosophical idea or two that would not naturally resonate with my way of thinking.

Interestingly enough, none of those factors were primary in my consciousness.

I was mostly noticing how passionate and gifted my brother was. (And I'm generally pretty critical of such things)

And while he's very good at preaching/teaching/writing, it's a relatively small part of what he contributes to the church he is a part of. He's really talented at everything he does, has some innovative ideas and he works very hard (probably a little more than he should). If he hadn't abused me as his paper-route lacky 23 years ago, I'd hire him to run my company, or to do just about anything.

I think he could be pretty successful in just about any church, or any field he chose, but It's really clear to me that he cares very deeply for the people in the community that he serves as a pastor.

Sometimes I think it's got to be hard to be on staff at the church he grew up in. I don't have a lot of opportunity to observe, but over the years it seems like sometimes he has to pay twice the dues, for half the respect.

**

My dad's been a pastor for about 40 years. And he's been at Calvary for about 23. I think David's been there in some capacity for pretty close to a decade. That's a long time.

And I remember that it's a hard job. People have expectations and desires that are often in tension. So there's almost always someone who is unhappy and unaware of the bigger picture. Sometimes that gets expressed in unkind ways.

Lately I've observed some of that happening in ways that are beyond the typical pastor's experience. It's been difficult to watch.

First and foremost, I hurt for them. I can see that it weighs heavily on them. I wish I could do something to prevent it.

But I'm also very proud of them (and that would extend to my mom and my sister-in-law who demonstrate the same kind of commitment and experience the same kind of hurt).

While I don't regret the years I spent as pastor, I am thankful to be traveling a different route in my own spiritual journey; a route that gives me some distance from those pressures. But I'm very proud of what my they are doing, proud of their motivations, and impressed by their stamina in doing it. It's very obvious that their efforts make the world a better place in some really tangible ways.

So, when I feel that they are under-appreciated, over-scrutinized, or simply lied about, I feel some hurt on their behalf. I feel some pride toward them. But then I invariably experience a sense of confusion.

Both my dad and my brother have demanding and high stress jobs.
They both have had no shortage of opportunities to accept positions offering, more money, less stress (and probably greater sense of prestige or importance).
While they've both had some rewarding opportunities, they have both endured some very hurtful experiences.
And they both know that as long as they are focused on helping hurting people, they will receive more wounds.

I think that everyone experiences some mix of healthy and unhealthy motivations.
And everyone makes mistakes.
I don't think my brother and father are perfect.
And I don't think they are trying to enjoy or perpetrate that illusion either.

But when people assume, imply, or infer that there is a deep or pervasive insincerity behind the actions of my father or my brother...

I can only wonder what their angle "angle" might be
What's in it for them??

If you are going to embrace your dark side and employ yourself toward sinister ends, why not avail yourself of one of the many venues that richly reward such behavior?

...or at least build one of those cool christian theme parks

A Really Great Week

2007-11-06T08:28:00.000-05:00

A Really Great Week

Halloween was a "mom day" but I got to help the boys get their spider costumes on, drive them
to Downtown Grand Haven, and photograph their trick-or-treat adventure.

(you can see a video in the post below, and more pictures here)

They seemed a little overwhelmed at first, but gained some confidence as the night went on. It's been really fun to see their personalities emerging more fully in the last few months.

**

After collecting scores of pictures of the boys, I made it to Katie, Ginger, and Willow's apartment in time to get some pictures of the "Dreams Come True" Fairy, and the "Miracles can Happen" Fairy.

(more pics from this series here)

Then I traveled with Katie and her mom to a theater in Kalamazoo for the world premiere of an independent horror film.

This was probably the first horror film I've ever watched in its entirety, and there is a good chance that I won't feel the need to see many more.

And while Katie expressed, in numerous disclaimers, the many ways in which this film was not the type of storytelling that she hopes to engage through acting... It was a *real film*. And Katie was this very believable "other person", on the big screen, with a name in the credits.

Improving the experience further, were some great/entertaining/enlightening conversations with Katie's mom (as we traveled), and the chance to briefly meet some of Katie's family from that part of the state.

In the last few months I've had the opportunity to get to know Katie pretty well. But conversations of substance have mostly been relegated to the phone, with the majority of our time spent together taking place among slides, swings, monkeybars, and the continual exploits of four very active children.

So the evening felt like a "preview" of the not-so-distant future, when it will be very natural to go to a movie, for a walk, or dinner, or simply have a face to face conversation with no interruptions until the annoyed teenager kicks us out of the coffee shop at closing time.

I'll write more about that later--the really-great-week continues...

Lately, when the boys are not with me, I have spent my time working through the details of major life transitions, downsizing, reorganizing, redeveloping my business, or editing. I'm pretty sure that I've not watched a single episode of a TV show or a movie during that time. I've spent very little time listening to music.

But this past week I got to spend Wednesday night at the theater (in the entourage of a movie-star), and then my first (and long awaited) night at the symphony on Friday.

It was absolutely amazing. I had the honor of taking my mom, who perfected the experience with her musical knowledge, binoculars, and generally exciting persona. Got to see Ryan in action, spend a little time with Gigi, and hold a short conversation with Rob and Kim.

The first part of the concert featured a world renowned cellist (maybe my favorite instrument), the second part featured the full orchestra and an incredibly moving composition (Tchaikovsky).

Special thanks to brother Ryan for the tickets, Bompa Bill for putting the boys to bed.

The Frauenthal is a beautiful setting, fall is my favorite time of year, and the spiralling melodies--driven by a perfect blend of voices-- seemed to be releasing the very best kind of chemicals into my brain.

I let my eyes relax their focus, and watched the synchronized movements throughout the string section...

....and it all seemed very, very right.

[transition post from a really-great-week to a really-great-fall]

And my life in general feels that way right now.

Not perfect, not void of stress and challenges. But very good.

July of 2006 through July of 2007 may have been one of the most difficult years of my life. 2005 had some generally rough spots as well.

But I just can't get past how fortunate I feel to have opportunities like the ones I've described in this post. So this "really great week" seems to be full of little pictures of those things that make the future seem very inviting.

and beyond those things which I've already mentioned:

My boys are developing hilarious personalities and interacting like never before. They really love each other, they learn so fast, and they can mimic almost anything they see adults doing.

Three years ago, I had no idea how much I wanted to be a father. Now I just can't imagine my life any other way. And they get more fun all the time (also their capacity for destruction increases daily).

They seem to be anchored in a very rich web of relationships. I'm so thankful for all the people that love them so well.

And though I've not been able to adequately invest in many of the relationships that are important to me, *I* feel very anchored too.

Friends, family, & xin-laws (pronounced "kzin-law") have all been very supportive in helping with the boys.

In the not too distant future, we'll all be celebrating the arrival of some important, and long awaited babies.

I'm realizing that I live in a very beautiful place (I can't believe how neglectful I've been toward that beauty in the past).

I feel healthier than I have in years, the daily headaches I once experienced seem to be dissipating, and my debilitating vomit-blood-E.R.-narcotics-headaches may be gone forever.

I can see well. My new eye doctor fitted me with contacts that allow me to see at least 20/20.

My vocational opportunities grant me parental flexibility, adequate income, and some rewarding creative opportunities. I have every reason to believe that my little company will [more than] survive its current transitional difficulties.

I should be back to work on my musical projects soon, and I'm working on two very interesting short films.

My parents have been incredible hosts for the last few months, making an extra effort to ease the sting of a living with your mother at age 31. My boys have loved the proximity to their grandparents, and plans for a future home are in the works.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner... and I feel very ready to engage the spirit of both holidays.

-daniel

eency weency spider

2007-11-03T10:11:00.000-04:00

i've had a great week.
more details coming soon.

and a halloween photo-essay can be found at the boys' blog.

music is back

2007-10-26T16:21:00.000-04:00

it's been almost four months since I've been able to record a single track.

My new audio workstation is up and running.
yesterday and today I spent several hours learning the basics of my new recording software.

20 minutes ago, I recorded my first track.
here it is,
it's very rough, improvisational, and unedited.
but it's my first recording in my new studio,
and it's really good to be back.

there's a more interesting audio file at will and isaac's blog (also from today).

catching up (contains some nudity)

2007-10-22T21:40:00.001-04:00

the pace of life seems a little hurried these days.

here's some snippets of what I've been up to since my last post...

will, riding the "barrel train" at an orchard/pumpkin farm a few saturdays back.

A couple weeks ago Isaac spent a few days experimenting with a new way of voicing frustration.
This would involve:
1) dropping everything
2) fleeing as fast as he could to whatever he perceived to be the edge of a safe perimeter
3) facing whomever he was upset with (from a distance of preferably 40 feet or more)
4) wailing his lament of injustice.

In this particular episode, his sprint from community was so passionate, I thought he might race into the orchard never to be heard from again... but he stopped at the treeline.

**

I took a very quick trip to NYC a couple weeks ago.
Can you tell it was my first time?

I went with the Jason Piasecki and Andy Maciejewski of a local creative firm (Qonverge), to pitch some marketing strategies to a music licensing & technology company.

Here we are in their studio just a few blocks from Times Square.

Experiential Highlights:
*Good company
*Street vendor hot dogs
*An interesting kind of work assignment
*Lots of frustrating air travel delays...
*Some incredible turbulence while fighting through a severe storm over NYC
*The resulting involuntary surrender of my lunch (ten seconds before wheels hit the ground)

**

Collectively, the boys and I have consumed hundreds of apples. (and thrown hundreds of sticks and stones into various bodies of water)

and spent in ordinate amounts of time at playgrounds.

this particular adventure was shared with cousins Emma and Maya while Liam played soccer on the other side of the fence.

**

Will hung out with Grandma GoGo and Maya while I got to have a special "just isaac" trip to GR for some allergy/asthma testing.

He leveraged his charm and bravery to draw amazement from every medical professional who came in contact with him; watching with cool curiosity as they drew blood, holding meticulously still for the student x-ray tech, and spending several minutes inspecting every single oil painting at the Butterworth Campus.

He got to pick his own food at the cafeteria, and then we spent some time in the ambulance bay boosting paramedic moral through ruckus cheering.

***

This morning, the boys slept in a bit. When they finally called for me I left my desk and walked into their room to find will celebrating the fact that he had succesfully removed every stitch of clothing from his body.

"naked. no pee" he assured me.

I asked him why he felt like he needed to be naked.
"Got it! clothes off! Self!"

Isaac was clearly impressed.

***

I'm still trying to get caught up but making some progress. But the boys will be with Andrea for a stretch of several days and I'm hoping to make a good dent.

and life is very good.

Ruddboys Update

2007-10-04T00:06:00.001-04:00

The second half up September evaporated pretty quickly.

Because of the cabin trip, I ended up having the boys in my care for about 24 of the 30 days of September. It was a really fun month. But I didn't get much work done.

And the process of -divorce-navigation/homeselling/moving/downsizing/evicting/re-leasing/adjusting-
has required a lot of time.

So if I owe you a phone call, an e-mail, some quality time, or a gently used rhinestone studded athletic supporter, I apologize. I'm hoping to get my act together in the next 2-30 months.

***
Tony and Tara have done a great job of keeping Stock20 alive, but from a business standpoint, there is much to be done. From a musical standpoint I'm even further behind. I've been unable to record/compose new music for several months. Typically, the new music releases are what generate income.

This past weekend Andrea took the boys to Marshall/Olivette, allowing me to (mostly) finish two important projects.

1) My new "loft" bed, will allow me to add a recording studio to the space that is currently my kitchen, office, and bedroom. My "apartment" behind my parents house is definitely tight quarters, but it's working pretty well for now and my parents have been very gracious. I will post pictures of our minimalist bachelor pad soon.

project two:

2) "Little Red Caboose" beds for the boys. My own general uneasiness and the collective wisdom on raising twin boys suggests that it's not a good idea to turn them loose in big boy beds until you can put them in separate rooms. I think they could probably survive it (others have), I'm just not sure I could survive any further lack of sleep. And I'm not sure they are ready to make another significant transition right now.

So my goal was to create a larger, more comfortable, and more sturdy bed, that wouldn't be very different from the "pack and plays" they have been sleeping in.

Just for fun, both beds feature the much loved "little red caboose" on the front panel, and they can look through the caboose windows to see the their sidekick in the other caboose.

I've been working on them for a couple weeks, but hadn't gotten very far. We worked feverishly throughout Sunday to complete them, got them situated with only minutes to spare before the boys return from their weekend trip. (a special thanks is owed to anti-onion katie and her two associates for their invaluable help with artwork, construction, and cleanup.)

I had a camera ready for the "unveiling". You may notice Will as he expresses his excitement verbally. Isaac opted for a very passionate round of lively and percussive dancing...

As you can see, the beds were a big hit initially, and have since offered up 2 naps, and 3 successful nights of sleep.

I'm missing time with many you, and hope to be a better at whatever I am for you soon.
Life is very busy, but continues to be very good.

much love
-daniel

Update Coming Soon

2007-10-03T08:58:00.000-04:00

sorry for the silence...
I should post an update on the activities of the ruddboys in the next two days.

For now, here's something better.

back early...

2007-09-14T17:13:00.000-04:00

great trip... coldfront pushed us south.
the boys missed everyone.
we had tons of fun.
no potty training (too much hiking/canoeing/suzuki-ing/rockthrowing)

still vacationing, just here in town.

on the evening I packed the van, I said goodbye to the cabin until spring,

...and the setting sun turned everything to gold.

2007-09-10T11:27:00.000-04:00

quick update: limited access

having fun, meeting new friends on the way up...

we're thowing a lot of rocks in the water

water is very low; still very beautiful

ok seriously

2007-08-31T09:46:00.001-04:00

I'm doing OK. thanks for asking. Sorry If I haven't responded personally.
Hope to catch up on stuff like that soon.

I'm feeling less angry, less afraid, and more hopeful all the time.

*

The last decade of my life with Andrea formed many good memories, and much for which I'm thankful to her for.

But many of those years also contained a sense of something dark and immanent,
some painful choices and patterns.
and no options for collaboratively finding healthier ways of relating to each other.

and not having those options (and not understanding why)
does feel like rejection (whether it is or it isn't)

So while many people experience divorce as an overwhelming wave of rejection or loss.
I have felt those emotions more like the current of a river.
Sometimes a strong current, sometimes less noticeable.
But a current I've experienced (and contributed to) for a long time.

So now I do not feel a wave.
I am more aware of a steady "depressurization."

What was feared, resisted, and fought has materialized. And I find the experience of it far more tolerable than the fear or of it.

*

And it's nice to speak more freely with people I care about.

A good therapist is better than working through something alone.

But not having to keep things from those I love is much better.

I do feel loss, grief, and regret: for the hurting people I care about, and for the roles I have played in causing hurt.

But mostly I feel a lot of hope.

**

Did I mention that a week from today I will take my boys to the cabin for 8 days?
We're going to throw lots of rocks in mackinaw bay, canoe relentlessly, explore the function and grave responsibilities of wearing big boy underpants, and maybe I'll even notch some logs for the little cabin I started building almost 15 years ago (Cedar lasts a long long time).

**

And I do live with my parents
(and they have been great)

**

And I do not have a job
(but I'm not really a "have a job" kind of guy)

In spite of some current financial pressures (resulting in a screeching halt of all business development and advertising), my little company seems to still be paying it's primary bills and starting a slow recovery. My employee/friends have been great. And I think were going to make it.

Some of the responsibilities which claimed significant chunks of my time have drawn, or are drawing, to a conclusion. I'm hoping to start making music again in the next month. I may do more video work to fill some financial gaps.

**

More often than not, I get to spend every waking hour with my boys.
And when they are with Andrea, I still get to spend time with them every day.

And this is not the reality of most single parents.
so I'm really grateful.
hopeful
and well.

-daniel

i don't have a job and i live with my mom

2007-08-31T09:25:00.000-04:00

(working on some new ways of introducing myself)

:)

Voices From Above

2007-08-27T08:53:00.000-04:00

Tuesday morning it started raining when I had a bunch of boxes and moving stuff in the driveway.
So I raced around madly, pulling boxes into the garage as quickly as I could.
Just as I was about to go back inside I heard a voice from the upstairs window of my next door neighbor's house.

Lilly: "What about the Bike?"
Daniel: "Good point Lilly."
pause
Daniel: "But you know what, it's gotten wet before, I think it will be OK this time."
Lilly: "Have you heard of rust?"
Daniel: "I hadn't really thought of that... [moving bike] Lilly, how did you grow to be so smart so quickly?"
Lilly: "Hello!!??!, I'm *NINE* Years old!"

I'm really going to miss my neighbors.

And they are now well along the way of moving into my old house. And I am completely moved out. (thanks to some great friends and family who were very generous with their help).

I would very much like to buy my neighbor's house so I can sit in Lilly's upstairs window and advise her driveway activities. (Or just so I could keep some of the best neighbors I've had, one of my favorite neighborhoods, and the incredible view of Bear Lake's wetlands).

It would be about half of my previous house payment, but still more than I want to spend.

If you have been to my house and fallen in love with the sunset-over-waiving-cattails, you should talk to my neighbors before they list their (old) house with a realtor (very soon).

But mostly I wanted to say thanks to everyone who helped. I really couldn't have made it without you.

***
Important Addendum: Moulton House Not For Sale

Please desist all efforts to sell my house on Moulton Avenue anymore. My previous renters (who wish to purchase the house) seemed to have found new employment, payed all back rent, and have secured a new lease with me. I'm hoping (for their sake and mine) that this works out well for them.

If you were really closet to that $400 bounty, I apologize. If you send me an essay describing your sales efforts, I will send you $1, or the object of my choice from one of my three "moving storage sites" as a consolation prize.

schedule updates

2007-08-22T12:02:00.000-04:00

i got some great help from some great friends and we made a bid dent yesterday.

I was kind of counting on today and tomorrow to really make progress, but I forgot that I had agreed to watch the boys from 8am-2p tomorrow.

So today I will be working on moving all day (sans-twins), and tomorrow I will be back to the work-site by 2pm working all evening (and maybe night).

Friday I will be closing on the house in the morning, but working on packing and moving in the Afternoon and Evening. My 2 associates will be with me. While they enjoy the commotion of moving, they do slow me down a bit.

I hope to finish up moving on Saturday, while simultaneously unloading tons of stuff on eager victims at the garage sale managed by Sue Wagenmaker (the garage sale will only be happening on Saturday). If you'd like to help with the sale, the boys, or general moving/driving/cleanup stuff for any portion of that day, it would be great.

Communication Note:
my verizon phone is out of minutes, so I will have to check my message and then call you back using my computer, (unless you are verizon, it's saturday, or it's after 9pm). Sometimes that takes a little while, depending where I'm at. Sorry.

Directions to my house

It's Go Time

2007-08-19T11:35:00.000-04:00

Alright friends, family, and even enemies (you know who you are).

We close on the sale of our house on Friday the 24th. And I intend/hope to be completely out by the end of the day Saturday (or better).

For all of you who have said you would love to help out,
I think I'm ready.

I hope to finish boxing most of my office/studio up tonight (besides the bare essentials).

Then I'll be doing a lot of cleaning in preparation for the boys return tomorrow morning.

I'll be storing most of my remaining stuff (hopefully not too much) in Angela and Ryan's new basement.

I'll be moving into my parents apartment (behind their garage). The boys will get the bedroom I'll sleep in the living room, and I'm still working on a good solution for a place to set up my recording gear and office. (Know of anyone selling a dirt cheap old travel trailer (around 22 feet)?

So now that I know where I'm going, and where I can put stuff, here's how I could use help (if that is something you would like to do).

1. General labor (cleaning, packing, moving stuff around) - Needed anytime Sunday(today) through Saturday the 25th.

2. Playing with the boys while I do General Labor (Monday through Wednesday)

3. Helping with a garage sale on Friday and/or Saturday, or collaborating on said garage sale.
-playing with the boys, taking money from people so they can be saddled with worthless trinkets, bringing a table that I can borrow, etc...

4. transporting objects large and small to my parent's or my sisters. By using my de-seated mini van, or your own vehicle if it's suitable.

5. Know of anyone who wants to buy a very nice Dining Room Table (big, solid, built in leaves, no chairs) or some very nice leather furniture. Both are less than a year old. Table (paid 800, will take 500-firm), Love Seat (paid 1300 will take 900, and if you want a set Andrea might be open to selling her couch, chair and ottoman).

call, e-mail or comment if you would like to help in any of these ways.
rudd "Dot" daniel "At" gmail "Dot" com
231.557.2532

maybe you can help...

2007-08-12T15:30:00.000-04:00

...help me find a buyer for our house on Moulton Avenue.

I really think it is a great house and a great price.

But I'm looking for a place where my boys and I can live with a smaller payment.

And we are supposed to be out of hour house on Cedar Avenue in less than 2 weeks.

That makes us "motivated sellers".

And I am offering a reward again.
Last time TJ and Lindsay scored the bounty. This is a bigger house, so it's a bigger reward.
$400 goes to the person who finds a buyer for my house.

Click here for details and pictures, or use this link: http://snipurl.com/1phaw

and it would be great if you could let other people know.

Maybe you don't know someone who needs this house,
but you probably know lots of people who could use 400 bucks.

Goodbye Cedar Avenue...

2007-07-31T16:23:00.001-04:00

I really think I'm OK with it...

I tried to scheme a zillion ways to keep it.
more stability for my boys
(or maybe for me)

but in the end it seemed obvious that my limited resources
would accomplish more by sharing my time directly with Isaac and Will
instead of exchanging it for a bigger house.

So I'm going to spend less,
so I can make less, so I can work less.

stability seems like a scarce resource
possibly an illusion

the most important pieces of my life
are orbiting just outside of my control.

and surprisingly, I'm starting to feel OK with that too.

**

If you've been to Cedar Avenue, you know why I love it.
And I think I'll miss my neighbors more than the view.
But I know that the view won't be missed by my neighbors.

They will be moving in by the end of the month.
And I plan to crash their back porch regularly.

***
So the three rudd boys are on the hunt for a new residence.

***

but first we have to sell our other house which is soon to be vacated by our former renters.
3-5 bedroom, 3 bathroom, great N. Muskegon location:
130,ish (price to be determined upon assessment of post rental condition)

more details to come (there will be a reward)

life update

2007-07-28T16:43:00.000-04:00

I'm very thankful for the phone messages, e-mails, and comments.

I am also grateful for the willingness of my friends to hear very bad news--with very little explanation--and still offer much support while withholding judgment.

A common (and valid) concern seems to center on whether we received help from a professional.

The short answer is "yes".

A more detailed answer would bring some clarity to a complex situation.

But that is probably the only purpose it would serve.

And right now I am more interested in making choices that avoid blame, bitterness, and finger pointing, than I am in offering clarity (especially via some public forum).

Whatever frustrations I may have with Andrea, she holds a very important place in the hearts of my two boys. And I will relentlessly work toward avoiding anything that will make this more difficult for them.

I do think I'm at a better place now to discuss this portion of my life. So if you are the kind of friend who can and should (someone who has a vested interest in my life, and an established pattern of meaningful conversations), feel free to ask me any question.

However, when asking, I hope you will still be patient with me. Right now I am:
1) wanting to be very careful about how I talk about this. I want to focus on what is best for the future, instead of what I am most angry about in the past (and that's difficult, so sometimes I just decide not to say anything at all)
2) There is much to be done. I'm running short on time these days. I hope you can understand.

rudd [dot] daniel [AT] gmail.com

that's a wrap (Two Short Films -- in the can)

2007-07-21T18:07:00.000-04:00

When the most difficult year of my life hit its low point, my brother graciously offered to cancel the whole thing (At this point numerous people had made significant efforts on the project, my brother and I had worked on it for more than a year, and about 15 volunteers cast, crew, and support staff -- from five states -- had signed on to the project).

I'm so glad I didn't take him up on that offer.

It was an exhausting week.

15 people living in my house.

Intense shooting schedules. Long days.

Frantic phone calls and rushed commutes to manage childcare logistics and make sure I could spend an hour or two with the boys each day.

Very little sleep.

And somehow I feel very refreshed.

There is something very rewarding about working collaboratively with wonderful people to tell important stories.

The end of the week was a strange mix of sadness and happiness.
I was very happy to put Isaac and Will's room back together and have them back under my roof.

But I'll admit, once I had them asleep in their little tents, the house seemed very empty, and I missed the chaos. It was a very good week.

www.onestorypictures.com
www.onestorypictures.blogspot.com

Not my Favorite Blog to Write...

2007-07-11T20:15:00.000-04:00

I'm publishing a difficult blog post. It's probably not what you came here hoping to find.

In posting it here, I hope that I will find myself making verbal explanations to people less often. I've already found that it is far too easy to tell this story in ways that justify myself at Andrea's expense.

And I know that no good will come from that.

So what's written here is not confidential.
But I'm not ready to discuss this in more detail right now.

***[e-mail i sent out a few days ago]

Some of you may already know, have an awareness, or suspect some piece of this. Some of you may have no idea at all.

And I realize this is not the best way to tell you, but there doesn't seem to be any good way, and it needs to be said.

Andrea and I agreed on the paragraph below, as reflecting truth and honoring both of our perspectives as much as possible.

In some ways, I would like to talk to you about this (and want to); but mostly I'm not ready to yet, don't think it's best, and it would not be possible at this time for me to have that conversation with all of you.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you at all, or ever again.

This isn't a secret [in fact we'd rather not explain this personally to everyone we know].

The paragraphs below seem to share the neccesary information that will be most helpful toward a healthy future.

I'm truly sorry, for the hurt this will cause and for the roles I have played in bringing it about.

With Love, Daniel

***
From Andrea and Daniel:

We're sorry to tell you that our marriage is ending. We decided to tell you this jointly because there are (obviously) many things we do not agree on, and at this point we know that focusing on those things will probably not be helpful for us or the people we care about. So we want to focus on what we do agree on.

We're both saddened by this, and we both have regrets about those things which brought us to this point.
We understand that this is difficult for the people we care about to, and we regret that.
We both want to do everything we can to make the best of this (especially as it relates to Will and Isaac).
We both want to maintain meaningful relationships with the people in our lives (you).
We both have a desire to avoid blaming and bitterness, and we both recognize that this will be a challenge.

You can help us by, remaining a part of our lives even when it's awkward, praying for us, and extending us some extra grace as things are difficult.

Daniel & Andrea

it's not you it's me...

2007-06-18T18:33:00.000-04:00

whatever relationship you share with me. I've probably not done it justice.
so I really do sincerely apologize.
It's a rough stretch.

I intend to emerge with everything needed to exceed your wildest expectations* but I really don't know when that will be, so I won't make projections.

Until then, I really am sorry, and I hope we have the chance for more interaction soon (unless you are that psychotic clown who keeps showing up in my dreams with an Amway presentation).

and oh yes.
As a consolation prize:
I've posted great video of the boys here.

2 little presents...

2007-05-07T18:59:00.000-04:00

finished the peekaboo song.
(new band: Gigi And the Strings)

Phase one of "Big Project" complete.

Will tell you more about the name contest soon (it's going into a second round).

Also, put a short cellphone video of the boys on their site.
(more to come).

2 things:

2007-04-23T19:15:00.000-04:00

1: It may seem that I was absent from my blog for a long time, and then, upon my return, I rudely asked for your servitude in my little project.

I realize now, that because of the longer post above it (with a similar title), it may have been easy to miss the preceding post (which offers a very polite and thoughtful transition to the demanding post). So if you felt slighted, I apologize.

2: Thanks for all your suggestions. Some of which are still in the running. However, I would like to turn this brainstorming session in a different direction. Forget about the slide shows. Instead think: "easy to associate" and "difficult to mix up". For example:

BlueAppleMusic.com (with a little blue apple logo).
There aren't a lot of synonyms or alternate spellings for "Blue" or "Apple" (both of which are common words). Plus it's an object with a unique (blue) characteristic.

"Music" is pretty good, but hopefully I would be able to get "BlueAppleRecords.com" too, in case someone was rooted in old-school understandings of distribution.

Also, be sure to post your suggestions in the comments so that creative synergy can flourish.

That 100 dollars is so close you can taste it!!!!!!

Call For Help (with reward)

2007-04-19T13:21:00.000-04:00

It's a long story, but I have to start a music distribution company.

I'll give more details in the future. But right now I need a name for an online store that promotes and sells music for independent artists.

It needs to be a: ".com" name (not .tv or .org or .net)

It needs to be easy to remember (probably short is best).

People will be making customized slide shows on DVDs featuring their own pictures. Music that matches the theme of the pictures will be playing along. At the end of the show, there will be a picture of the Artist who's music was featured. It will invite the viewer to visit us online to learn more about the artist and get special offers on their music.

So if you saw a cool slide show, featuring your pictures (or the pictures of a friend or loved one) and you liked the music and wanted to know more....

What kind of website would you remember?

If you have a suggestion, and can confirm that its available, put it in the comments.

If I use your suggestion I will send you a check for $100 (not a joke)

Here's a place where you can check available domain names:

Attention: Please don't use Godaddy.com (long story), use this one insetad

www.networksolutions.com

Here's a place where you can get cool suggestions:
www.nameboy.com

**Please invite any of your creative friends to participate in the fun!

Quick Update: Call for Help

2007-04-19T12:56:00.000-04:00

I apologize to everyone for general unavailability as of late.

Stock20 got an important contract with a pretty interesting company.

Securing that contract required lots of extra work (for the last 4 weeks),
and meeting deadlines will require lots more extra work (for two more weeks).
(see "Call for Help" post above if you wish to ease this burden)

Additional Complicating Factors:

This video had to be completed about a week ago, and required more work than I anticipated. But it was for my favorite (and only) video production client.

Still have to make music and stuff for Stock20's monthly releases. (Although I'm hiring other people to help with some of the songs now)

If you are interested, here are some of the recent songs that I have composed and produced.

Will and Isaac are both cutting their biggest teeth.
Isaac has had two double ear infections in the past month.
The last antibiotic led to relentless diarrhea and the worst diaper rash ever.

But... things seem to be getting better on that front.

Hoping to be human again soon...

best jack handy quote ever

2007-03-10T16:39:00.000-05:00

“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.”

-saint jack of handy (via james bean e-mail)

I say put this kid in jail right now!

2007-03-05T07:46:00.000-05:00

Could it be more clear that he is going to grow into a super-villain?

The mom is oblivious to the evil (maternal blindness), but the baby's sibling is obviously terrified.

so it's march now...

2007-03-03T16:49:00.000-05:00

you may have noticed that februrary has ended.
And with it, my obligation to post 6 days per week.

As a consolation prize, I have updated the boys blog with some really cute footage of our trip to the circus.

advice #3: unreasonable reactions don't modify unreasonable behavior

2007-02-28T16:38:00.000-05:00

the news commentator says it best...

For lent, I am giving up the practice of throwing stones at the heads of angry elephants (maybe it's a metaphor, maybe it isn't)

advice #2: finish first, celebrate later

2007-02-27T08:52:00.000-05:00

Notice how the "new winner" fails to learn anything from the event which gives him a (less-than-ideal) reason to celebrate.

I'm glad I've never done anything stupid.

Also,

1) I don't know about you, but a big part of my spiritual upbringing has included a very scary event at the end of human history--

--various renderings of a massive room, where all of redeemed humanity would gather to watch every event of everyone's life (for judgment) on a massive movie screen.

Naturally, my frequent reflections on this event included only graphic portrayals those moments which I regretted most deeply, and those events which where horrifically embarrassing.

My only hope was that someone -- much worse would go before me and after me. And maybe my parents would have just slipped out to go to the bathroom.

2) Later on, I was exposed to a stream of theology that orchestrated apocalyptic events on a different time line.

Supposedly, God's justice would prevail on earth more incrementally, with humanity as his instruments.

3) So here we are now; on the brink of the rapture, world war 3, global warming, and many other civilazation-compromising possibilities...

And I can't help but notice that there are camera's everywhere, documenting every little mistake and posting them on a massive movie screen,

and every day all of humanity gathers to judge each little mistake...

what's next?

ps. send me $200 and I'll send you my "Armageddon survival guide road map".

Advice #1

2007-02-26T14:59:00.000-05:00

1) Pick on someone your own size
*the soundtrack of this video is not intended for children